CARDRUNNERS

What's Your Edge

Zimba's Blog

December 31, 2008

This is the traditional time of year when you reflect on the past year and project to the new year. I've never been one for New Year's resolutions, they always struck me as an artificial imposition that few live up to. But, this year it feels like I should engage in the practice. Because, frankly, I've slipped. When I look at myself in the mirror, I'm not who I used to be or who I can be. I can be better. This applies to all areas of my life.

2008 was a challenging year for me in most areas of my life. While I think that I battled pretty well in the face of adversity, as the year went on I lost momentum and initiative. The last few months I've settled and not always put my best foot forward. Sure I had some significant excuses, but those are departing. I'll break down several of the areas to which I'm referring.

My health: On January 5th, I have my 6 week checkup from the back surgery. This was the recovery from surgery time period I was told before I could resume more normal activity. It has been 28 months of not feeling my old self, but the surgery has so far corrected all the sciatica issues. While I was in pain all that time, I found myself using it as an excuse to not do much of anything. I want to resume walking again. I used to walk regularly with my wife and enjoyed it. After my appointment, I will meet with some physical rehab people to put together an exercise regiment to strengthen my core. I need to build in the discipline to not just sit in my computer chair for hours every day. I've been given a second chance and I need to make the most of it.

My family: With my switch from my 12 years at my gallery in Portland to the internet poker business world, I now spend most of my days in my home office. My twenty plus months at CardRunners was extremely busy and I transferred that same work rate and long hours into the development of Poker Curious. But I found I use the excuse of work as a crutch to isolate myself. I can certainly balance time with the family better with the work required for the new site.

My work: I've allowed my identity to be too tied to my work. I am more than Poker Curious, but it's all everyone asks about. As the months have dragged on, my productivity has diminished. I find myself wasting time as I wait for coding elements to be completed. I procrastinate out of my frustration with the slow progress. My long hours at the computer involve more distraction than progress, because I feel helpless at times to advance the cause. Every day we draw closer to its eventual launch, but I need to re-energize myself for the final push.

My finances: It has been hard on my family for me to be effectively unemployed this year. Fortunately, we have had the discipline to cut back spending and not build up significant debt. But when you have a wife and kids, they want to 'support the economy' in many ways and it's hard on me to have to deny them. Poker Curious will take time to build revenue, like any new business, so there is no instant cure for this problem. In fact, it will get worse very soon as our insurance and severance lapses. While it isn't hard for me to deny outlays for myself, it is hard for my family. I definitely want to be more financially sound as we move further into 2009.

No one likes to be disappointed with themselves. It is hard to live up to our potential. We all rationalize our deficiencies. I know I do. But I need to stop making internal excuses and start taking concrete steps to improve the situation. I want to be healthy. I want to spend positive time with my family. I want Poker Curious to launch and to prosper in 2009. I can be better, and I will make it happen.

Happy New Years to each of you. May each of you have a wonderfully healthy, enjoyable and prosperous New Year.

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