CARDRUNNERS
What's Your Edge
David Benefield : Poker Blog
Sep 22, 08 06:33:01
Happiness isn't found in completing a goal, but the journey towards it.
Quoted some Philosopher.
Sep 22, 08 07:18:27
In a few years when you're actually grown up for real, you'll look back on these blogs and cringe really, really hard. Marry your girl and start a family, THAT is what you are missing in your life. All this weird emo high schooler shit will hopefully fade away soon after. Best of luck.
Sep 22, 08 11:40:39
Everybody has believes and it's important to have them. But everyones believes change slightly on a day to day basis, untill there is nothing left of the original believe.
i think the ultimate believe is that we all are one, and no one and nothing is better or worse then the other.
Live your life to the fullest.
Sep 22, 08 14:41:15
This cross cultural and universal phenomenon that is characterized by a searching for something more to life is truly fascinating.
Ever think about seeking God?
I remember having this same feeling before I came to know Him.
Sep 22, 08 14:56:11
It's nice to see someone else who isn't obsessed with poker and money. So many people get obsessed with the idea that once they have enough money to relax that everything will be ok. However they soon realize that once they have this money all they know is how to obsess about a perceived happiness and have no clue of what actually makes them happy or what they want out of life. Striving for money as an end goal is an easy way out. The real struggle is figuring out what makes u truely happy and pursuing the goals that will get you there. Money equals freedom and not much else. If u aren't happy without money u won't be happy with it. Anyway that ran on, it i just nice to read a blog where someone has more aspirations and thought than just how to play a hand or what a good winrate is.
Sep 22, 08 16:29:38
nice post david. glad you took your friends over wcoop. sadly, i remember, when first becoming infatuated with poker, putting poker above friends. i'll try to never make that mistake again.
Sep 22, 08 16:41:02
U of Chicago is a boring school in a terrible, dangerous neighborhood.
Sep 22, 08 17:31:25
Nice post.
To me it sounds like you need to see a psychological consultant or shrink or however they are called over there. It helps so much you wouldn't believe. I am seeing one and I was shocked I didn't try before. Everything in life is 65 times easier now. I very, very strongly advise you to go and talk to someone. You will be surprised how much it helps.
Sep 22, 08 18:14:53
as Oscar Wilde said, "There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
Sep 23, 08 01:02:41
What makes you think you'd find the faculty unintelligent at any university? Such a strange comment.
I used to think I was smart.... then I went to graduate school.
Sep 23, 08 10:04:21
Who else is tired of this poor me **** from this kid? God damnet, it's ever f'n day. If you are ever in a good mood and feel like getting in a bad one load up this blog and have a field day.
Sep 23, 08 22:01:25
If you started a religion, I would convert.
I'd be perfectly happy if the word poker was never mentioned in this blog again, you are adding massive value to the poker community with these insights and for once its not measured in dollars and cents.
Sep 24, 08 22:14:29
when you find the right place to go to school, get that good college experience in, then you'll be one step closer to finding that ultimate goal. meeting the right people in the right environment will definitely start to shift and shape you're fresh mentality to one that is in line with what you want in your life.
Sep 25, 08 20:34:22
you took the thoughts right out of my head dave my boy. let's go to vegas and throw meatballs at miles the dog, maybe put a hand down our pants, and beat joe in bets \$100 at a time
p.s. never even heard of some of those schools... how about uofm? best public school in the country sucka! f*&\$ berkley and uva
Sep 26, 08 00:47:07
Watch the movie "Peaceful Warrior" if you haven't already...I think it may help with the way you see things
Sep 26, 08 14:13:37
The question I have for you is what is your next step to your ulitmate happiness and goal?
You said that you were thinking of college, what are you going to be taking? I mean from what I have known from you is that you sound like a really passionate guy when it comes to stuff you enjoy and you always give your 100% to do well at it.
It sounds like you have a big interest in improving you life via Yoga and other balancing health remedies. Is this a possible path you may explore? You are a good teacher and I think you would be very good at helping people do whatever it is you are trying to do. I have felt like you on many days, but my passion is to better myself overall via health and balance.
Any how, if you need anything in regards to health, positive approach to well being or anything, please feel free to drop me a line.
Very best regards,
Sep 28, 08 19:04:00
i dont really know about that champion thing...im thinking of how people who win oscars and nobel prizes live longer...
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Sep 17, 08 19:55:45
Very insightful entry David, I cant add anything other than to tell you that the WSOPE events asre in Sterling which is considerably more than Euro. So you probably cant aford the buy-in now..oh well!
Sep 17, 08 20:09:12
I honestly think going back to school is a bad idea. My wife got her phd and while she was there, she sat in on an analysis class. She actually sat in for the whole semester. (By sat in, I mean took notes, etc, but wasn't registered for the class.) When the semester was over the professor said to her "Congratulations, I've had many many students sit in on a class, with the intention of staying the whole semester, but its never happened.. You are the first."
My point ... Unless you have to be there, you likely won't. Try to accomplish something academic first. Learn Japanese like you were talking about. Really get into it, visit japan, have a fling with a japanese girl, etc.
Sep 17, 08 21:31:39
Hey David,
I would strongly suggest looking at a group of schools in southern california called the Claremont Colleges. Four schools (five, but one is a womens college, so four you could consider): Claremont-McKenna, Harvey Mudd, Pitzer and Pomona. I'm a current student at Pomona, and I love it. All of the Claremont Colleges are small liberal arts schools with a great student:teacher ratio. They are all competitive schools, but some actually prefer students from a non-traditional track.
There are some other schools in So-Cal worth looking at, message me if you need more info.
Best of luck with the college search process.
Sep 18, 08 00:13:08
now we're talking. find a good teacher. this needs to be number one on your list.
Sep 18, 08 01:22:56
I have some info / advice about san diego / ucsd... let me know if i can help, not sure how to send a PM
Sep 18, 08 02:38:47
Hey David,
Nice to read how things have changed for you.
I am in the same situation as you now, don't think that poker is going to get me any further in life and that's why I am going back to school.
Maybe we will meet at the 5k euro PLO, would be cool.
Sep 18, 08 03:05:55
great post....
You're my favorite CR blogger, so keep up the interesting posts!
Sep 18, 08 07:42:16
i think you're right to check out the schools in NY and New England area. I went to a small liberal arts school in the middle of nowhere northern NY called St. Lawrence and really learned a lot. The NE US has tons of small liberal arts schools. I think going to school could definitely help you, one of the main ideas of liberal arts schools is that they don't simply give people career skills, they help you figure out how to live a meaningful life.
Sep 18, 08 09:48:05
you remind me of myself 10 years ago (minus the millions), your head is screwed on straight. going back to school can never be a bad thing, especially for the reasons you mentioned.
good luck!
Sep 18, 08 10:18:50
Good luck at the WSOPE - just remember it's actually in £ sterling not Euro. I'm sure it won't dent your big fat roll too much but means each event costs around 20% more than if it were in Euros.
Sep 18, 08 19:22:46
dave-
if haley ends up coming to NU or U of C, you may want to check out DePaul. Although it is a relatively large school, no class has over 25 people in it, greek life is virtually nonexistent, and since most students are commuters no one cares about athletics. i am an alum, shoot me an email if you have more questions.
Sep 18, 08 21:01:30
I went to college in SUNY Purchase, pretty close to the school you're going to. If you want a small arty lib' arts school that doesn't care about sports, SUNY Purchase is that.
Sep 19, 08 00:19:29
Dave-
You should def look into the NESCAC schools; they are exactly what you seem to be looking for...very small student bodies, small class sizes, lots of interaction between students and faculty on an individual level, and excellent academics...
Sep 19, 08 03:51:12
your a special person thats got a gift forget about all that guilt it kills the soul If someone asks about you and it makes you feel weird just tell them your on a vision quest. Money is hard to find. you find it fast and easy. thank the spirit for that. Maybe only spend a 5th of your time with poker to pay the bills. the rest for you and what makes you tick. my dad just retired as a teacher he told me school sucks have fun in europe
Sep 21, 08 07:24:09
A couple of books that might interest you. They have truly inspired me! Mabey you will like them..
it sounds you are really on the right track...
a new earth - eckhardt tolle
the power of now- eckhardt tolle
book of secrets - osho
fear of freedom - erich fromm
sidhartha - herman Hesse
narcis and goldmund - Herman Hesse
integral psychology - ken Wilber
a history of everything - Ken WIlber
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So lately I have been thinking about the whole multiaccounting issue. I was bored and decided to catch up on some of the BT drama with FTP, Cardrunners, etc, and felt like spouting off some thoughts here today. Let me preface all of this by saying that today, this very day, on sites that do not support the change of names, I think having more than one account per network is wrong; unethical if you will, as well as being against the rules.
Sep 12, 08 19:26:50
fwiw i believe pokertracker/hem/huds are the main cause of games getting tougther.
Sep 12, 08 19:28:51
Didn't Patrik play under the names luigi66399 and FINDAGRIND. And hasn't david benyamine had a few names also that he uses. How come no one says anything about them.
Sep 12, 08 19:49:52
to address the patrik/benyamine comment:
they obeyed the rules once they got red names, that was one of the stipulations. brian (who had used multiple names in the past) broke that rule even after becoming a red pro.
Sep 12, 08 20:18:27
While certainly the site would still know the unique identity of the players, this would make the game much, much more "pure".
David, I generally agree with your positives on this, but I have to add a couple negatives:
-The public loses the ability to note collusion. Sure, the site can still do it, but they can't investigate player claims.
-It makes the game even LESS like live poker. In fact, it changes the game to such a degree that we have to throw all assumptions out the window in every game. All you can go on is stack-size.
-It's the perfect environment to unleash bots. They only need to play a pretty solid ABC style, and move around with some frequency (to avoid detection and/or exploitation). This doesn't matter at the highest stakes (since so many fewer games run), but it stinks for the majority of players, and will spoil the game. (it's not as if bots don't exist now, but deploying them is harder if they have unique names/accounts).
Certainly stats (and I think in particular, data-mining) are bad for the online game. Full Tilt and other sites that allow observable-hand data-mining are part of the problem. On Stars you have to actually sit to collect stats (because collecting observable stats is non-trivial).
If (hypothetically) the poker sites took on the "anonymous" player method (which probably won'tnever happen), it would make live poker a lot more attractive.
Sep 12, 08 21:27:37
I really don't think changing your nick is a problem. As long as you tell the people you know (and play) about the name change, it's all good imo. I really wouldn't care if someone I didn't know (via aim/msn/irl) did this to me.
I don't even know who it would gain if one player created a new nick to be honest. The whole meta game situation between the two player changes as a new nick is created.
What I do think is unethical, though, is playing on another person's account. Then you're pretending to be someone you're not and you gain an unfair advantage vs your opponent.
Also, it's obviously not recommended to play on a secret nick as red pro on FTP when you have a contract with the site.
I really don't get all the mad flaming though. BT has acted as a gentleman about the situation (as far as i know). Get a life people.
Sep 12, 08 22:53:10
You are a class guy, I am glad you commented on this topic. I am very surprised the other CR's guys haven't said a word about it.
Personally, I don't see any problem with regular players changing ID's or having multiple ones.
But someone who publicly states they are now only playing under a certain ID, and has some type of contract to that effect, should just do what he says.
As a customer, I simply would expect the owners of a business to be straighforward.
Beyond that is the rationalization after the fact that bothered me. If someone just said they were struggling and changed accounts and it was wrong, I think it would be forgotten.
I just got the impression that the amount of bullshit is virtually endless.
Sep 12, 08 23:38:01
why am i down here? i want to be at the top; i dont know anything out Brian or multi-accounting, i just wanted to feel near to you
i can personally verify dave's claim that he never plays under a friends account, as i have nefariously offered him my own several times to do so
on cake, your notes stay on the person even if they switch your name, of course the software is so miserable that taking notes is a pain in the ass
and finally, joe does not wear underwear
late!
Sep 13, 08 13:04:45
People just like to hate on Brian in general because they think he got lucky in his meteoric rise to hi stakes. Pure jealousy pretty much.
Sep 13, 08 16:17:36
wow, alot of this i reallllly dont agree with. You said that there should be severe penalties to the average joe that makes a new name on ftp for rakeback, but taking away brians red status for 6 months is a fair punishment! doesn't add up to me. Also I dont use a hud either but you shouldn't hate on a large majority of the winning poker world by saying f them i dont care about them. And the no name just stack sizes is just because you can't get action anymore. I usually enjoying reading this but wow! i disagree with so much here.
Sep 14, 08 13:45:47
Im with you David..I think that having names removed from the tables would be a good thing for online poker.
So what if some "god" of hu came to challenge u under my account...or if you that same god had 5 accounts...Poker is poker and the best players will adjust and win long term.
Nice ride up but i live in montreal and you only need to be 18 here to get drunk like a skunk..
peace
Sep 15, 08 04:18:18
Saying that you don't and would never use statistics to influence your decisions is silly imo. OK at HSNL the player pools are so small that you can get away with this, but if you're 6 tabling a site with 100s of regs then ignoring the stats is basically turning your nose up at an advantage. It's like a ship's captain refusing to use GPS, because the charts and stars are more reliable!
Sep 17, 08 03:46:21
interesting post, i think the conclusion you advocated would really make games juicer, it's interesting to think about at least.
Perhaps just letting people change their names every day would do the trick
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There was an episode on the twilight zone, where a ruthless criminal was killed running from the cops, and is greeted by an angel that was sent to grant his every desire. He couldn’t BELIEVE that he was in heaven, and was skeptical at first. Over time he began to ask for things, a mountain of money, beautiful women, naked fish sushi, etc, and was granted everything he asked for, and life (or death), so it seemed, could not have been better.
Sep 9, 08 16:45:18
I see what you're saying. volunteer work? go work in an African village for a month or something.
Sep 10, 08 00:34:13
I went away to drug treatment when I was in high school. You couldn't do anything there. No reading, talking, tv. You had to ask for everything and never got to be alone. I missed all my friends to death. Any way when I got out I appreciated everything so much.
Or maybe try doing something that you gain nothing from. It sounds like everything you are talking about are things that you do to better yourself or to gain for you.
Sep 10, 08 01:02:57
"The Twilight Zone" is one of my favorite shows, and I am not generally into the sci' fi' shit. Haven't seen this episode, but it emulates the feel that all of them have. (Surprised you watch this show, homie...and I don't mean that in any way that it can be taken negatively; just surprised, in general.)
Sep 10, 08 01:03:51
i've heard rumors that even the Buddha has not fully completed his journey...
Sep 10, 08 02:55:11
Wilneedheart reminded me of this... Perhpas u need to revisit all episodes of Monkey Magic imo. This blog entry's philosophy is quite reminiscent of those.
Do you think you need to find a challenge within yourself (not finding it yet) or are looking for an external element to cause you challenge? You like property; perhaps a target of purchasing properties is too easy; building them or buying and renovating is far more involved and challenging, and the rewards are still there financially as well as a greater sense of personal satisfaction with the completed project...
Good luck - keep at it.
Sep 10, 08 22:22:44
meh sounds more like heaven to me. i really disagree with this but whatever.
Sep 11, 08 03:04:49
I just watched that episode of Twilight Zone on youtube. Wow, very thought provoking episode. Maybe we are in heaven, struggling everyday but who really knows.
Sep 11, 08 11:52:41
This reminds me of a very good flash animation I saw from digg. I dont think there has been one thing that has changed my life so much. Link: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4
Otherwise that episode of Twilight Zone says alot about human nature. Ever wondered why the worlds richest people still work? It's human nature to want more even if you have everything.
There was a show on Discovery channel about the worlds richest people and an incredibly wealthy (~\$400 mil) entrepeneur was risking his entire net worth on a new venture. When asked what would happen if it were to fail he said he would sit in the market with his son and eat dinner with the rest of average populus.
Just shows that even if we work our entire lives to get rich, we probably still wont be happy or generally contempt. I could go on about life is about the journey blah blah, but you get the idea :)
Sep 12, 08 02:56:35
meh.
excellent recap. next time maybe talk about how its relevant to you.
without context i might as well just pop in the dvd and watch it myself...and i might. just something brief about how this is affecting you may give someone insight about what they're dealing with in their own lives. we don't read blogs for the people that write them, we read them for ourselves.
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Sep 1, 08 23:33:37
On the AA hand, [A59] [9] [9].. Isnt it just as likely if not more likely for Issac to have Ax than the 9x after calling flop? Yea he raised turn but it coulda been a feeler raise with an Ax or Even spades turned semi- bluff (bcuz he isnt gonna just put u on FH on the turn, so it might be a bluff or a semi-bluff with spades.) This hand gave me a headache =/
Sep 2, 08 05:57:20
WOW, right or wrong david, I don't know about that fold, but I respect you for going with your read.
Sep 2, 08 06:11:49
David, in going through a lot of the hands that you posted, it looks like you may be taking a little more time with the tougher decisions.. perhaps a timing tell.. like i see in a lot of them "David Benefield has 15 seconds to act" in a lot of the tough turn spots.
Sep 5, 08 07:37:58
i'd def called with aces and i also think it's the correct play. Ofcourse I play nl200 so you're better than i am. if u made some sick worldclass laydown there you really should have cred.
Sep 10, 08 22:48:01
sick fold. i would think it's pretty close to have the A or the 9. not really sure how either of you play exactly or any reads may have on each other but i'd think he'd know you probably don't have a 9x by not pushing that turn. if he has Ax, giving that he probably doesn't think you have 9x and that chances are very very slim from his standpoint that you have the 2 case As then there is no need to check behind that river. and gettin like 2.5-1 on a call there makes it even more enticing considering it may be like 50/50 of the A or the 9. but yeah, same thing as herveao said in his comment.
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Aug 26, 08 13:42:49
All the best to find your spot and content for life. Hope to see you going back in meditation soon to find it faster. Remember it all comes from inside..
Aug 26, 08 13:45:43
i deal with that same stuff from time to time. i think that in some ways it is all relative -- you made such amazing (financial) strides at such a young age that almost anything you do now seems not so impressive. think about it, even if you went out and made 250k 2 months in a row you'd be happy but you wouldn't consider it some great thing.
i think setting and forcing yourself to accomplish goals might be the best thing for you. i think buying 4 properties a year, while spending 1 month at WSOP, 1 month traveling, and a ton of time playing poker is unrealistic. a better goal would have been 2 properties, and i think you should include your Vegas house.
you might also set a goal to read 2 books a month or something, and if you haven't finished one 1/2 way through the month, no TV until it's done...something like that might work.
i just think setting realistic goals and actually sticking to them would really help.
tay
Aug 26, 08 13:55:01
I am in a really similar situation, and I feel very much the same way as you do.
I lose interest in things very quickly. But when I find something I am super interested in, I become obsessive with it, until I no longer find it interesting. Sort of like your experience with poker. Once you reach a certain level of success, it just isn't fun anymore because most of the challenge and drive is gone.
I think you might be interested in looking for a longterm career or project that forces you to get up and be productive every day. Maybe go back to school and find some courses/fields you're interested in pursuing at a higher level.
Obviously you don't need the money. You don't need to work to live anymore for the rest of your life. But what about living to work?
I am pretty confident that I could be fairly wealthy if I dropped out of school right now and pursued some other ventures full time. But I'm not going to. Because I know one day I'm going to wake up wealthy and bored as hell feeling like I have no purpose and am wasting away.
Anyways, love reading your blog. GL finding the next thing that makes you want to live each day to the fullest.
Aug 26, 08 15:17:40
Help other people, volunteer at something. Do good.
Then keep quiet about it. Tell nobody, when you feel Meh about life tell yourself.
Also, brains are made to dream, day dreaming and planning is an awesome activity, don't beat yourself up for making plans that you don't execute.
Aug 26, 08 16:34:54
2 things in here struck me as being exactly how I feel nowadays. First, I can't seem to find anything at all that really interests me either. Its annoying, but I guess it helps knowing I'm not the only one with close to no direction in life. Secondly, you mentioned that when you're doing something and then stop for a day or w/e, you have trouble starting back up. I am totally like this. I can be on a great diet or something, but then I'll go eat w/ someone and they want pizza or something so I eat that. Suddenly I find myself eating all sorts of terrible foods, and I can't seem to restart that diet (or any other daily/weekly goals that may have been broken) until a date that I feel is an actual starting point, such as a Monday or the 1st of the month. I can't restart shit on a Wednesday the 17th. Its so annoying.
Aug 26, 08 16:59:19
i thought i was the only one with that kind of problem. im 20 years old and made alot of the same experiences, for example getting hooked on some new kind of sport and a couple of months later it got boring and i lost interest in it. its pretty bad. the same goes for school, job or whatever else there is. but my poker success is not even close to yours which makes the whole issue even more difficult. if theres a solution for this id love to hear it
Aug 26, 08 17:04:04
you should try being a big brother... kids are extremely funny and it's very rewarding to see you make them happy.
Aug 26, 08 19:14:47
man i really feel what ur saying although im not on the same page. I make more money at pokey than anything else i can do but im starting to lose motivation aftre taking 4+years to develop my game to where i can earn a decent living. Im gonna try to pick up some more hobbies like it seems you are doing but i think helping other people will help you. I agree with big brother program or habbitat for humanity or something to give back. Its personally gratifying and should make you feel like a full days work. If not i think some good advice (which no way in hell youll listen to) is get a part time job. Obv not for the money but try bartending or waiting tables, try being more social it might increase your need to not be a rich lazy poker player lol. Well gl and keep blogging because there are a lot of people that relate to what your saying on many levels.
Aug 26, 08 21:08:15
First off I want to say growing up in small town AL I can totally relate to your feelings about TX. Get out there and try something different. Since being a pro I have lived in Atlanta, LA, and now Puerto Rico and the experiences have been great.
As for Jits. I did BJJ and MMA for 6 years while in high school and college. The learning curve is super high and since you are really green and going against better competition you are not seeing yourself get better. Imagine if you were playing a guy who had a big edge on you. Lets say you improve and cut his edge in half or even by 70%. Well, since you are still losing it is going to be hard to notice your improvements but you are getting a hell of a lot better.(Chess would be a batter analogy) As a newb you really do not have anyone to wrestle with other than the regulars so you can't notice your improvements. Stick with it for 6 weeks and then wrestle one of your friends. You will be amazed at how easy you own them.
Oh and days you do not feel like training or what not. Just wake up don't think about and get your ass in the gym. Often you will end up having a great workout.
Here is a quote I like that IMO is applicable.
"Over thinking and over analyzing severs the body from the brain."
I myself and very guilty of this but that is ok. We all are. Just wake up and get out there and experience some things. Good and bad. It is all part of the same game.
Aug 26, 08 21:10:39
Oh yeah one more thing. It is ok to not know what you are doing or where you are headed. Unknowableness is part of life. To me that is what makes it fun and interesting.
Aug 26, 08 23:13:58
this might give some sort of insight...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Arh_raWjYDM&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMYchpWXwXA
I'm in the same situation man, you feel lost in life but no matter what you do you can't find happiness. It's not that your depressed but you feel kind of empty and no matter what you do nothing material seems to give you any joy. You desire purhaps a more spiritual outlook on life, your heart is set on the right goal. but you're not purhaps taking the right path. And i know from relation that you kind desire some sort of spiritual awakening. You may not consciously know it, but deep down inside this seems to be the case. It might sound crazy and woo like but honestly it's just the only thing that complete makes sense from reading your blog, and relating it to my own experience. Anyways man take care.
Aug 26, 08 23:21:58
if i can give you only one advice it will be - dont watch prison break 3, it sucks.
on a serious note - have you tried helping people in need? it will always mean something and effect others so you might keep your interest in this unlike other things, which to me are also just bullshit.
Aug 26, 08 23:27:06
take up smokin pot if u r not doing it already.. sativa stuff not indica, because it makes u sleep. just my 5c, recreactional smoke is good for u
Aug 27, 08 03:06:01
Buy a dog, it will break up the monotony of life. don't be apathetic about it in a few months though, it would probably starve that way....
k gl.
Aug 27, 08 05:52:37
Going through the same thing right now, although I'm a grandfather and in a different age bracket. Wonder if the emotional / repetitive aspect of poker has something to do with it.....Maybe it is because we have the luxury of choice..........which sometimes is forgotten until we loose it.........Two examples would be having three small children running around the house or sadly a serious physical impairment (my nephew broke his neck two months ago and is paralyzed for life).
Thanks for the long entries stating exactly how your life is. Cheers
Aug 27, 08 06:38:03
Man I like your blogs
definitely entertaining and i recognize almost every emotion in your blog. I also do never get happy or superexcited with anything, which really sucks. If I do something, the next moment I dont do it ever again... Its all or nothing. I hve done some research about this, because it is fun to get superexcited and motivated.And the most imporant finding is that it can have something to do with the chemical balance in your body. Some of which you can influence and some of which you dont. Most importatn I think are the ones which you dont have influence on, you can have a shortage or too much of some chemicals (like adrenaline) in your body. I have nver taken any steps further to do some aditional research, but you can definetely be helped by people who are specialzed in the human body....
Take out of the message what you want, hope it helps
gl
Aug 27, 08 08:04:29
learn to trade options or futures. that'll make life a lot more interesting...and requires a lot of the same skills as poker. i think you'll really enjoy it once you get into it...
Aug 27, 08 08:11:24
you seem burned out more than anything. Might be good to take a month off of everything you normally do and go travel somewhere. Backpacking in europe would be a great experience for example.
Aug 27, 08 13:30:23
Not reading before you go to bed and watching televesion isn't necessarily a bad thing. If you read heavily before you go to sleep it can mess with your sleeping rhythm. Therefore toning down brain activity late at night isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Aug 27, 08 15:52:33
theres no cure to laziness unfortunately, you just gotta get up and do whatever you have to do. btw dota is the shit, 'go roshan? NO PUSH GODDAMNIT'
Aug 27, 08 17:08:23
You may have dietary deficiencies. Try supplementing with Inositol (vitamin), Chromium (mineral) or Tryptophan (amino acid).
Aug 27, 08 19:02:18
A couple other people suggested volunteering and being a Big Brother in particular. I just want to reiterate that also. I have been a Big Brother for 5 years and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made and one of the few things I've done that has actually truly helped other people. I highly recommend it for someone in your situation. Just do it and get the ball rolling and then you'll have no choice but to pull through because someone will really be depending on your support and friendship. A lot of these kids desperately need positive male reinforcement in their lives.
With that said, as per usual, I can totally relate to what you're saying. Just keep pluggin' through and keep your ears, eyes, and heart open to everything.
Aug 28, 08 02:40:25
I love freestyle skiing... and am very passionate about it however I found something else recently that I can do that I get equal enjoyment from. A little over a year ago I took up latin dancing, mostly Salsa. Never really danced before and am in my early 30's. It's awesome though... skiing really well is a form of art and so is dancing.
It's expressive, there's a flow and chemistry with your partner and the music. Anyways if you like the music you might get into it. Keep in mind that it takes a cpl years to get any good. It's one of those life pursuits in that there's always something new to be learned.
Aug 28, 08 03:21:53
U seriously sound like a BITCHH. Ur young and have cash. Live ur life.
Aug 28, 08 05:21:08
Set yourself a goal, like if u start a sporting activity plan to participate to a competitive event within x months, this will help you keeping the pace.
I did that with running and it worled out great.
Also try to run a business from scratch, you will feel the same stamina you had when you started poker.
Aug 28, 08 05:29:17
You should try setting some goals, each morning get up and write down like 3 things you are going to do that day (don't put too much down or you won't do it) and then make sure you get them done.
I'd be willing to accept \$100 push everyday you don't do it.
The only way you will get better is to do a little bit at a time and get committed.
Aug 28, 08 16:40:54
is called depression.
Some of us are more prone to it than others, but happends to most people from time to time, you def sound like me, someone whos prone to getting depressed simply because we think about stuff to much instead of actually doing the stuff.
Aug 28, 08 17:09:18
some course must interest you that you can take at school. If you like literature take a lirtterature course for example. If you'd enjoy dancing, start salsa like someone suggested, it's really great. Last year I played poker, took some salsa courses and went to school and I really enjoyed my life during this time.
If you do try salsa it's too bad you got a gf in a way, it's a perfect way to get to know some sweet girls as well :D
Like someone else said, just playing poker for a living won't work because you'll lose parts of your social needs, especially if you're a fairly social guy at heart.
Some easy school class that you go to like 3-4 days a week is the perfect remedy for this. You get to know more fun people and you also get to study something your interested in.
Another suggestion that sounded good was traveling some, preferrably on your own.
The trap is getting rich and NOT doing stuff, ofcourse you won't enjoy yourself by just having money, but no sense of purpose.
Aug 28, 08 21:19:16
Move to the Chi man.. Its the best city in the world, and it'll give you the experience of shitty weather at unexpected times and traffic on the streets and all sorts of stressful shit. So now when you experience this stuff you appreciate the good things you have, like friends and girlfriends and just chillin with them. Ya gotta know the bad before you can really know the good.. thats the truth.. also hit me up and ill show you around town, though im sure youve been here already.. peace
Aug 29, 08 09:27:31
I went on a run in the spring, and had the same feelings that you have right now. I made just enough to have about 18k in the bank after all was said and done, but considering i was broke 20 year old university stuent just up until then i felt like a millionare.
I was fed up with school and i hated my boring city of Winnipeg, and my newfound wealth wasn't making me any happier. As a spur of the moment decision (left 48 hours after i decided to go) i dropped out of school just before exams (i wasn't going to get into my faculty anyways) and fled to Europe for a month. I was the best experience of my life and i met tons of cool people in my hostels, and got to explore completely different cultures. No more of this day-to-day routine bullshit, one day i'd be in Amsterdam smoking pot with ppl i met in the hostel, and the next i'd be in Barcelona roaming the streets and going to clubs with a different group of ppl from the hostel. I even snuck in some live poker in Monte Carlo and Barcelona (the players are hacks btw, free money).
Anyways, it gave me a different outlook on life and even when i got back home i felt happier, and more content with my life.
And oh ya, if you do go on a trip like this don't stay in nice single occupancy hotels, or rent a nice car, get a train pass and stay in hostels, walk the cities by foot etc... thats what made the experience so cool to me. Sorry bud but while going to a resort Hawaii with friends would be fun, it isn't really an 'experience' that would change your outlook on life.
Aug 29, 08 21:05:21
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Aug 31, 08 00:59:43
Hey man, I know how you are feeling, and though my life has been filled with unreal memories of vacations all around the globe, sleeping with gorgeous girls, box seats to sporting events and all that stuff those things never gave me real meaning in my life. They are temporary highs, and great for telling stories but for some people like myself and I think you, these momentary highs do not bring lasting happiness and feeling of satisfaction. One guy said above that maybe you need to go through some tough times in order to appreciate the good times, and having been exposed to the rough times myself I can tell you that it may just give you the kick in the ass or the awakening that you are looking for.
Maybe you should take some time to be a big brother to someone less fortunate. I took some time off to teach kids in Thailand and Africa and that was awesome, and I plan on doing some stuff with the boys and girls club in my spare time.
You sound like someone who is ready to break out of his shell, to find something bigger and perhaps a change of scenery would do you a lot of good. Maybe somewhere like Boston, Chicago, Seattle, or some time of urban un-texas-like place.
I have lived in Atlanta, Phoenix, Boston, and Los angeles and moving from one to the next I had never felt further from the last place I had been in terms of the culture.
There are so many different subtle and non-subtle differences and it sounds like experiencing something new and intriguing is the best thing for you.
I would personally say give Boston a go. It's a great city with so much culture and heritage, and so much stuff to do. So much that is so far from the culture and feel of Texas, or the superficial lifestyle of a young poker player with money.
Take a risk, because you can afford you, and it sounds like the way things are going, you can't afford not to.
If you stay within your bubble your whole life only so much can happen for you, but if you put yourself out there, take a risk, there is no telling where life can take you.
If you ever wanna rap about things, hit me with a PM.
Aug 31, 08 01:41:11
Learn how to play an instrument, Guitar would be the best, get good at it, then get a rock band going, there is no better feeling in life that jamming with friends and hearing all of the music come together and mesh. It is the greatest feeling, there is also so much shit to buy, guitars, drums, PA gear, it NEVER gets boring!
Aug 31, 08 17:20:25
once you've reached that level i think you should start giving back to the universe.
including doing charity work, or perhaps even starting a charity. you can also take on poker students (me!) and get joy from helping them succeed. Basically start looking to help people and i think you will be a much happier person, i know thats what i would do. You should also become a big brother i guarantee you get a lot of joy from that
Sep 1, 08 05:13:47
Move to a 3rd world country. Its a totally life changing experience. Just moved to Vietnam a few days ago! The gf probably wouldn't be too fond of the idea though.
Sep 2, 08 11:17:42
I'm not surprised to see that your thoughts on "Apathy" resonate with others. We've all been through what you are feeling. We have all looked for answers or as you put it a "purpose" in life. Few find satisfying answers and most are forced to give up eventually out of sheer frustration because we have only a limited threshold for pain. (of those who have commented it's ease to tell which have already given up). It's difficult to find answers when you don't even know what questions to ask. Before you can find a purpose in life I think that you need an acceptable understanding of it. This is something of a Catch 22; with greater understanding the questions become more clear and often there is no longer any need even to ask them. With knowledge and understanding come wisdom, peace of mind and power. All of society's institutions are designed to keep that from happening, this is why everyone is so unhappy and the world seems to be in such a mess. We as poker players know that it is a mistake to give free information (unless it is disinformation) to our opponents; it would be foolish to think that those in high positions of power - society's designers and policy makers should play their game any differently... they NEVER reveal their methods or true motives. But it is possible to get a deep understanding of what I call "the big picture" if you know where to look. Once you know where to start looking for answers the pieces of the the jigsaw start slowly to come together and ....
I've already written more than I intended, but I felt driven to offer some help because you are obviously suffering.
David, if you (or anyone else) are interested I'd be happy to point you in the right direction, but it's going to take some time and effort on your part.
(I am not a religious person)
Email me at BreathDamnIt@gmail.com
Morpheus to Neo; "You take the red pill and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes... "
Sep 17, 08 07:17:02
You're looking for a good book to read? Try Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon. It'll blow your mind...
Sep 17, 08 07:17:11
You're looking for a good book to read? Try Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon. It'll blow your mind...
Sep 17, 08 07:17:16
You're looking for a good book to read? Try Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon. It'll blow your mind...
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Aug 21, 08 06:30:56
Nice post, I was wondering though. I watched you play a hand at the 25-50 deep table (I think). the flop came 3d xd Qo turn xd river 3o, where x is a random card that I dont remember. Anyways, there was some action on the flop, I think you bet and he raised and you both checked turn and on the river you bet a decent amount and he CrAI you snapp called and he showed qq for top boat. Do you remember this hand, and what you had? Thinking about what you had there has made me go crazy.
keep up the good blog posts
Aug 21, 08 10:06:56
that's pretty much how i feel when i play a 2k hand session and end up like plus 40 bucks while sitting 5 bi's deep on half of my tables. freaking variance.
Aug 21, 08 12:38:19
i believe you are referring to this hand.
http://www.pokerhand.org/?3079242
Aug 22, 08 13:41:59
Prefered your blogs when they were more about your diet, workouts and new books you had read. Now the blog just sounds like all the others on this site!
Aug 24, 08 23:39:41
I love your NL game and am waiting very much for your next video. However I think your PLO game needs some work. I'm not going to discuss everything here but in my opinion half of your hands (both winners and losers) had really strange lines from you. Not cbetting with nuts (KKQ flop), check-calling? Slowplaying a set in a multiway plo pot (KTx flop), also not cbetting? I don't have a very complete view of your PLO game so a lot of the stuff in those hands was incredibly strange.
Also in the topset vs nutflush hand I would've raised the flop as there is fold equity against non-nut flushes and you're unlikely to get away from your topset at any point in the hand. And I have to agree with the "people" you asked about the aces+nfd hand, it is very standard for the opponent to have that hand in a similar situation. In that situation I would put that exact hand above any others if I played a random player that seems to have a solid 3bet range. Obviously if the opponent is very loose that hand might not represent a very large part of the range but usually it is.
It might also be that I don't understand highstakes PLO as I play 2/5 but I had my mouth open most of the time watching those PLO hands. Let's just say that I wouldn't be trilled to watch your PLO vids if the game is similar to those hands :) So far Gordo has delivered the best PLO videos on this site, I wonder why there haven't been any new ones in a long time.
But as always your NL game is very interesting and maybe you have discovered a different way to play PLO too, I just don't understand it yet.
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Aug 19, 08 08:49:31
when your in NYC you should check out the W hotel and go to the lounge, its a ballin place to chill and have some drinks
Aug 19, 08 08:49:35
when your in NYC you should check out the W hotel and go to the lounge, its a ballin place to chill and have some drinks
Aug 19, 08 09:04:05
lol you're getting a freeroll to beat your friend with oranges...siiiiick. i really like the idea of using normal oranges and then a frozen one for the last hit. he wouldn't know what hit him. :)
and in all fairness he should get ridiculous odds on this bet...but whatever he's losing anyways. congrats ahead of time on the easiest 10k prop win.
Aug 19, 08 15:21:51
HAHA first of all, this is absolutly the funniest thing i've ever heard. I fully agree that you yell " HERE COME THE ORANGES " before every blow to develope a embarrasing fear of oranges. You must either tape or blog about it on CR following him shippin it your way.
Aug 19, 08 16:49:53
Are you going to be using the same orange or are you allowed to use "fresh oranges" for each hit?
Seems like if you have to use the same orange by swing 3 you'd really just swinging the skin and orange juice in a sock which is kind of funny but gross.
Aug 21, 08 23:27:47
David, great blog as usual, keep it up. I'm also a HUGE sushi fan, my favorite place is in south carolina , if you can believe that. But to be honest, I haven't tried any of the famous places.
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Aug 16, 08 00:28:05
But it sounded like a great trip. Glad you enjoyed it
Aug 16, 08 00:28:36
i have vacation eating issues as well... i eat super clean when home... egg whites, whole grains, plain green vegetables and grilled chicken, work out 6 days a week... i go away for a weekend and suck up drinks, cookies and other fried stuff like it was a vacation requirement. i'm going to dread the scale after this weekend
Aug 16, 08 01:39:26
That is prolly the longest blog entry I have ever read-it was good tho.
Aug 16, 08 17:31:33
no wonder cts is grinning 24/7. I would be too if I was jerking around thousands of subscribers with one monthly video at best and lots of promises
Aug 16, 08 21:02:14
"A Game of Thrones" is awesome and I'm sure the rest of the series will blow you away.
Aug 16, 08 23:07:53
the rest of that series is awesome and will def not feel like a waste of 60 hours..........wont even feel lke 60 hours lol, though its very annoying when the latested instalment is overdue like 18 months lol
Aug 18, 08 11:02:27
First of all, you rock. But also, what chair is it? The link wasn't working and I am VERY interested. I am looking for a massage chair in my office, cuz like you said, watching DVR on a 50" plasma is the nuts (and my idea first I swears it).
HEM is really good and I would suggest PMing nutedawg if you ever need help setting it up. He got me going on it and I will never touch PT3 again. One of the best functions is the VPIP by position and steal and resteal by position. It will take a few days to learn so dropping stakes is a good idea.
On the 5/10 thought, I don't think its something you need to do, but if your gonna do it you should prop bet someone for it, that will give you motivation not to spew. (like I bet I can beat \$1k/hr multitabling 5/10 over 50k hands)
Hawaii sounds like a blast, hope I get a real vacation myself sometime soon.
GL on sleeping
Aug 18, 08 15:51:14
your blog is great Raptor, recognise parts of myself in some stuff u do. For example, being vain as hell, finding buddhism interesting and reading fantasy as a kid. Unfortunately for me, you win at limits that are way bigger than I do though :/
Tired of fantasy now though, it's usually very predictable and boring. The exception is George Martin, his A Song of Ice and Fire is the best series out there without any doubt. The first book is great, second decent and the third is just amazing.
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Aug 6, 08 13:00:57
David, don't listen to the Devil. Listen to me instead : DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TAKING YOUR STUPID COMPUTER !!! This would be a really poor "life EV" decision from you. I know that you know that i know that you know better than that. Have fun and come back really refreshed.
Aug 6, 08 20:13:33
Got some good advice for you. The Wire is Fantastic. It's the most real show I think i've ever seen. You love the good guys, you love the bad guys. an hour later you hate the good guys and love the bad guys. Its changing all the time. The dynamics of the show are the most intriguing aspect of it. I just finished season 2 and it has only gotten better.
From the way you talk about health and your general life style, SF is THE place to be. I live in Marin County, Sausalito to be exact, which is the first city across the GG bridge from SF and I would highly recommend it. I've lived all over and been all over in the military and this is the greatest place in the world to live. Berkeley, however, is NOT San Francisco.
Your rib is subluxated - used to happen to me all the time in wrestling.
Bring the lappy.
Good Luck.
Aug 8, 08 22:56:14
gbet. if you can't say "gay bet" just say gbet (the same way ppl say cbet instead of continuation bet). never explain it, just say it and everyone'll figure it out and no one will be able to claim a legit offense to it.
Aug 13, 08 15:43:45
jdell is right when he says Berkeley is NOT SF. I went there as an undergrad and I can't see any reason to live in Berkeley if you don't go to school there; it's very student-oriented, dirty, and not at all conducive to any kind of mature social life. however, the campus is awesome and the education quality goes without saying, but I will say Haley better have some stellar grades and recommendations if she hopes to get into a Cal grad program. i think the acceptance rate was around 12% last time I read a US News & World Report.
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