CARDRUNNERS

Last night a couple of the guys here at Yeshiva told me they were watching "Rounders," and though I always tell people I don't want to watch it (because it leads to the inevitable questions about poker and bad beat stories) I finally caved, hung out and watched the thing.  I hadn't seen the movie in two years, but, wow....such a good movie.

It brought up a lot of memories about my days in the NYC underground poker scene.  Though I never made the underground scene my primary game, there were months where I'd play live in the city 3-4 nights a week.  I've won nearly all my largest pots in the NYC games, and lost by far my biggest pot in an NYC game (I got it in as a 2:1 fav, yay!).  I remember playing $75 tournaments my Junior year of college, and somehow playing 25/50/100 by six months after college (lol).

Anyways, the movie got me thinking about taking shots versus playing conservative.  My entire poker career I have been extraordinarily conservative.  Any while I realize the movie is a Hollywood produced, hopes and dreams, reach for the moon type of story, I couldn't help but wonder if I played it too safe.  Nearly all of my friends who became superstar poker players took major risks at some point or another in order to climb the stakes whereas I never really did.  Hence why I also never really climbed higher than 10/20 while many of them moved up to 50/100 and higher :)

I was reminded of putting up $3,000 of my $5,000 bankroll for the EPT Deauville.  Somehow cashing for $5,000.  And winning a $100 Party tournament two nights later for $7,000.  But then I remembered two weeks later, losing $1,000 for the first time in a single night.  How it absolutely crushed me.  How I nearly went to bed crying.  I just don't think I ever had the stomach for losing that many of my peers do.

It's an interesting phenomenon...my roommate of two years David Paredes (Gaucho) was absolutely fearless.  He had grown up relatively poor, yet managed to attend the best universities in the world.  He'd run $500 into six figures and back down again.  He once told me that he had no fear of playing higher stakes because he wasn't scared of going broke.  He'd lived with nothing, and he knew how it felt, and he knew he could climb out of it.  He wasn't scared of losing it all. 

I, on the other hand, was so different.  My parents taught me that every dollar was precious.  When I had $5,000, I was confident I would be able to rebuild it (hence why I basically put it all on the line) - heck, that's a just months salary for most people.  But when I would look down at $50,000 my entire perception changed.  $50,000 couldn't be regenerated in a flash....in some senses I was paralyzed by my fear of losing it.  In many ways, the greater my bankroll grew, the smaller my gambles became.

I've done well for myself, don't get me wrong.  Even now I play $1000 and $2000 NLHE/PLO for "fun."  (I mean I can't really consider myself a professional anymore...I'm a full-time Yeshiva student).  But John Turturro's monologue did ring true to me - "Stones?  You little punk...I've got stones enough not to chase cards, action, or pipe dreams of winning the World Series of Poker."  So many talented poker players weren't able to manage their bankrolls, emotions, desires and went broke, or never developed their talents.  In many ways, I'm deeply appreciative that I was blessed with so much control, even if I might've benefitted from additional fearlessness.  No matter how you slice it, I made it into the upper echelon of poker players who have beat legitimate high stakes games for several years.  And that's a heck of an accomplishment, even if I never made it to the top.

At the end of the day, I mostly play poker for money now...I don't have the same love.  I played today for the first time in two weeks - I did well and had a couple of friends watching and cheering me on (which made it more fun).  It's really funny to have your friends screaming at you to call or fold when they haven't got a clue what's going on.  I do miss the days playing undergroud in NYC.  Sometimes I miss walking out of a poker club at 730 in the morning after a 12 hour poker session, grabbing a bagel and cream cheese and going to bed for six hours.  If I end up craving it, maybe I'll hop in a good NYC game sometime while I'm back home - soaking up the character of NYC, dozens of stories from around the city.  But at the same time, I derive pleasure and fulfillment from far more than the card tables these days.  Everything is a balance...I guess this is growing up?

Okay, hope you enjoyed my thoughts.  Back to Yeshiva and the Jewish holiday of Purim (where we're commanded to get drunk!!!)...I gotta go put my costume together.  Enjoy the weekend :) 

Love,
Ezra   

Man, I really love it here.  Don't get me wrong - I miss America in a big way.  I miss appliances that actually work, and hot water that lasts for more than 15 minutes.  I miss customer service.  If any of you have ever been to Israel, you'll notice that there's a really weird orientation out here - it's absolutely bizarre. 

People here aren't as money hungry as in America...they just care about having enough money to live, and aren't caught up with luxuries/materialism.  It's good for their psyche but it's horrible for business.  Frequently when I order a slice of pizza at a pizza shop, the person will look at me, grunt, and basically insinuate with his body language that he's doing ME a favor by SELLING me a slice of pizza.  Also, recently, I tried to buy flowers for someone on the side of the street.  I literally sat there for 10 minutes while the guy was on his cell phone.  The flowers cost $5.  I held the $5 bill out for 10 minutes...all he had to do was take it out of my hand.  He refused.  Finally I just threw the money in his lap and walked off with the flowers...I don't think he even noticed.  It's pretty hysterical.

Anyways, last week, I went up to Tel Aviv to hang out with Dani Stern (Ansky) and Brandon Schaefer who were both in town for the week.  I've known both guys for a while...Brandon I met at EPT Deauville in 2005 (which he won, LOL) and Dani I've hung out with in NYC for at least three years.  The weather was absolutely gorgeous.  So while all you fools on the East Coast were enjoying your five feet of snow, I was chillllllllllllin at the beach

Here's some pics from Tel Aviv:




Anyways, what else has been going on?  I had my first interview for MBA programs this past Thursday which went really nicely.  I was pretty nervous heading into it, but was blown away by the comfortable atmosphere the admissions officer cultivated - it was very easy to have an honest conversation and allow him to get to know me.  I'm pretty excited about the program, and plan to visit the campus in March when I'm back in the States.

As for poker, I don't play a whole lot anymore.  It seems like everytime I play, I win or lose a few thousand...I'm making money overall, but I'm not really enjoying the stress.  I'm pretty comfortable financially at the moment for a number of reasons....I have a brilliant new money manager who keeps picking homerun after homerun.  One of his latest hits was a company called McMoran Exploration (MMR) - he really believed in the company and went super heavy on it, ultimately making it my largest holding.  The gamble paid off as the company's thesis proved true and we made >100% in a couple of months.  Here's a graph of the firm:



Anyways, that's about that.  My studies here continue to be incredible.  It's not easy being in class more than 10 hours per day, 5 days a week (I think I was in class like 12 hours/week in college), but the knowledge is so beautiful that it's all worth it.  If anyone has any questions about Israel or religious studies in Jerusalem, feel free to post them and I'll let you know!

Peace out girl scouts,
Ezra

So been the ol' six weeks since I've posted.  I REALLY need to get better about this stuff if I want anyone to read this blog ever again.

I've got some rockin pictures to knock off all your socks, but wanted to give you some brief updates:

Life is fantastic, and I love my days in the frathouse (aka Yeshiva).  It's just a big party everyday, but it's a party with meaning.  We actually have a purpose to our days, studying the depth of the world.  The things we learn are so breathtaking....I'm legitimately excited to go to class everyday.

I spent two weeks in the USA earlier this month.  I hit up the CardRunners meetings in Dallas just to make sure the company still existed :)  It does and is doing awesome.  Was great to see Taylor and the guys.  Taylor and I try to talk regularly on gchat, but it's not enough.  I miss hanging out with him in person.  As for poker, I've cut back playing a lot though I still probably play 5 hours/week.  I'm maybe making a few thousand dollars a month, fairly variance free, but it's not like I'm getting rich out here, but given that my expenses are only wine and food, I don't need a ton of money.  Ps, kosher wine is amazing.  Anyone who tells you differently is off their rocker.  

Okay, so let's have a couple of pictures....those are always fun (and hopefully the CR blog system won't fail me).

A beautiful Jerusalem sunset....this one of the nicer ones but 80% of the time we have exquisite sunsets:


A picture of my menorah during the Jewish holiday of Hannukah:


Myself and my buddies Evan and Brian at the gravesite of Avraham, Jacob, and Isaac.  The structure was build by Herod and we have a tradition going back over 3,000 years.


Myself, Evan and Will at Will's birthday party.  Israel has pretty solid sushi and this was at a dynomite sushi place.  Just to prove that Yeshiva boys to get out into the real world sometimes...


And lest you think that I've forgotten how to party, it's me doing a little dance-a-thon...


Till next time,
Ezra

Soooo, it's been 47 days since I posted anything.  Woweee is that a long time.  I'm going to try to get back into the posting swing and not blow all my thoughts in this one post, but here are a few updates.

Jerusalem is amazing.  If anyone finds themselves in the MIddle East from now until May, please swing by and drinks are on me.  It's just such an exceptional city with amazing people.  So much history and culture in one place.  Yea, so it's also the center of all the religious hatred in the world.  Details, details.  There's  a reason it's so important...and I get to live here...so so so freaking cool!  

I've done some amazing things in the past month and a half.  I camped out for a night in Hebron at the graves of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Leah, Sarah, Rebeccah (which both the Jews and Muslims agree are there).  The Jews are only allowed in 10 days a year, and it was surreal to be in an Arab controlled area....there were guys riding by on donkeys, women carrying groceries on their heads, I even walked by the shelled out home of a former Hamas leader (I think he's still on the run).  It's just so weird that only 20 minutes away is the modernity of Israel, whereas Hebron feels like an entirely differently country.

I've gotten to go up North to a few areas in Israel recently.  I've been developing quite the wine collection of fine Israeli wines.  There are now close to 500 wineries in Israel and some of the wine tours are amazing.  I've had some really exceptional bottles here...and for ~$50 you can get a Kosher bottle which is comperable, if not better, than just about anything I've had back in the States.  The Golan region is really fascinating...because the terrain is so variable (ranging I think from 400 meters above sea level in some places to 200 meters below sea level in others), they're able to produce every type of grape and every type of wine, even in a country as small as Israel.  Sadly, these bottles cost about double in America because of taxes, so I'll have to figure something out.

And a mini-rant about Israeli taxes: look, I've grown to love this country.  But the taxes are out of control.  The general sales tax is 16.5%, and if you buy an imported car (I don't think Israel has domestic cars) you pay 120% tax.  Meaning that if you buy a Honda Accord which is ~$25k in the USA, you pay $55k in Israel.  $55k!!!!!  It's insanity.  At the same time, amazing health care in Israel is $1/day and private schooling in Israel is capped at like $1,000/child (I don't know the exact details on this), so there are some perks.  Plus you're protected by possibly the most advanced and well trained military in the world.

Speaking of the military, I recently got to hang out with a few Israeli soldiers from a stealth unit called Duv Duvon.  This is probably the 3rd of 4th highest unit in the Israeli army.  Their jobs include dressing up as Arabs to gather intelligence, rescuing hostages from Muslim controlled areas, invading terrorists' homes, etc.  They couldn't tell me too many stories, but what I did hear was fascinating.  They never know where they'll be the next day...they could be in bed one moment, and undercover in an arab bazaar 90 minutes later.  It seems like such an exciting life, though I'm definitely not cut out for it.  A number of the guys in my Yeshiva want to start taking Krav Maga lessons, so I'm hoping that gets off the ground as it would be an awesome skill to have.

Okay, a few more points....I do want to reflect on the passing of CardRunners member "Lou Pinella."  I had only met David once or twice in real life, but wow, what an amazing guy.  He just exuded energy, and confidence.  Yet at the same time, you felt safe connecting with him.  He wasn't arrogant, he was just friendly - he simply wanted to connect to everyone and everything.  I don't to dwell on this too long, but do want to chat about one of the lessons at Yeshiva that I've been thinking deeply about.  Right now, I'm 25 years old.  I've been made lots of money from poker and am financially sound.  I've got lots of connections, I have the world in front of me, my options open.  I feel invincible.  But I'm not invincible - it's just an illusion.  I will die.  Sooner than I think.  And when I'm 40, or 50, I don't want options in front of me - I want accomplishments under my belt.  Things I'm proud of.  I will go more deeply into this in a future blog post.  But something like this should be a wakeup call - to be appreciate everything we have and not to waste any more time than we have to.  Time is so precious.  Once think that is very admirable about "Lou Pinella" is that he seemed to love every second he was life, he was excited by every day - his new creative energies, new ideas.  We should all be as excited by life as he was and love life as much as he did.  Because we're not immortal.  And we're not invincible.

I'll leave it at that for now with a resolution to bang out a post a week from here on out. 

Have a great weekend everyone.

Love,
Ezra

Things here in Jerusalem are starting to cool down...in the literal sense.  We've gone from 85 degrees to ~50 degrees in the space of a week.  I wasn't aware, but apparently there are only two seasons in Israel, not four: Summer and Winter.  Meaning that it stays above 80 degrees 6 months of the year, and then is sub 50 degrees 6 months of the year.  Weak! 

With "winter" has also come rainy season, which is kind of the reason I'm writing this blog.  There are major differences in the way Americans and Israelis think about rain (and this ties back into my last blog post about appreciation).  In America when it starts raining, we sing "rain rain go away, come again some other day."  Why?  Because rain is annoying.  It makes us smelly.  It's inconvenient, because it makes us wet.  It increases traffic, it delays planes, etc etc etc.

But in Israel, people sing songs of joy when it rains.  The Jews pray three times a day for rain.  There's no phrase in Hebrew for "rain rain go away," only the popular moniker "rain: COME!"  Even the cab drivers who don't believe in Gd, or even care about prayers or anything get all excited when it rains.  In Israel, rain is a source of blessing and happiness.

Why?  Because Israel is dependent on rain.  No civilization can survive in the Middle East without a water source.  And as countries have become increasing modernized, they have increasingly tapped out their natural water sources, lakes, etc.  In order for industries to survive in Israel, in order for crops to subsist, rain must fall.  Rain isn't a just natural phenomenon here, it's a necessity for staying alive.

But if you think about, that holds true for the entire world.  We just don't appreciate it.  We take our water sources for granted, and waste gallons upon gallons of water.  But if there wasn't rain in the USA, our famers would die out as well.  Our lawns wouldn't be perfectly manicured green.  We couldn't go golfing.  Rain is undoubtedly inconvenient.  But the Israelis have the proper appreciation for rain, because it's far more relevant to their lives on a day to day basis.  I've read articles that Las Vegas may run out of water in the next 10-20 years.  If so, I think its citizens will have a far greater appreciation for rain when they're forced to ration every last drop of water, and their lives change significantly.

Anyways...that was my one point for the day.  I have other things to say, like I could rant about the stock market and my major swings lately, but I'm trying to care less.  I've played poker once over the past two weeks, took a shot at some good $25/$50 games and ran ~3 buyins under EV to lose a lot of money.  But it's okay.  As always, I have enough, and there are other things to focus on.

Ttys soonsies,
Ezra M

If there's one thing I've tried to concentrate more than anything else over the past two months, it's appreciation and gratitude.  Let me explain.

I'm really not so concerned with "please" and "thank yous."  We're trained from a very young age to acknowledge these phrases and utilize them.  How often are you truly appreciative of something when you utter "thank you?"  Consequently, when you finish a request with "please," isn't it typically more of an expectation?  For example: "I'd like a large Coke, please."  Is there really any doubt?  And what purpose would the "thank you" really serve?  Being polite is not a reflection of appreciation.  It's a reflection of social compatibility and responsibility.

So - what the heck am I talking about?  Okay...this might sound crazy.  In fact, it's gonna sound real crazy.  But let's start at step one.

I'm grateful to be alive.  I'm grateful to breathe.

Okay well everyone who's reading this is alive....fair enough.  So let's take it a step further.  Can everyone who's reading this hear properly with their ears?  Almost certainly not.  Does everyone who's reading this have full control and motion over their two arms and two legs?  Almost certainly not.  Ten fingers?  Almost assuredly not.

Further, not everyone on this blog can breathe as easily as me.  Some might have lung issues, or more commonly, even asthma.  How fortunate am I to be able to breathe unrestricted, without thought, and without effort?

I know this is a lot to take in.  I know that we never acknowledge, let alone appreciate how fortunate we are to be able to see, hear, smell, etc.  But if you were to go blind, or lose a limb....every single moment of your life would be dedicated to rectifying that lack.  Just because you have these abilities doesn't mean they're unimportant.  In fact, they are some of the most important elements of your entire being.  Most human interest stories about people who've become injured focus on their struggles to regain their strengths - these people will dedicate years if not their entire lives to regaining control of a leg, or an arm.  And yet we abuse our limbs - never truly appreciating what life might be like if we didn't have them.

I remember I used to consider fine dining one of the great pleasures of the world (and I still do).  But before your next fine meal, you might want to consider how fortunate you are to have an arm and fingers that can allow you to handle a fork/chopsticks so elegantly.  Take it a step further and you'll realize how lucky you are to even have tastebuds.  Because without tastebuds, food would merely be fuel - there would be no pleasure.

In Oliver Sacks' The Man Who Thought His Wife Was a Hat, he discusses a variety of his patients with clinical neurological deficiencies.  In "The Mariner," he discusses a 49 year old man who can only remember his life story through age 19.  Which got me thinking....when was the last time you felt appreciative for your lucid thought?  During my past three poker players years, I've spent the bulk of my time decrying my opponents as "monkeys" and praising my own superior mental abilities.  But although I deserve recognition for the effort I've dedicated to improving my mind, I need to acknowledge how fortunate I am to have the potential to think some deeply.  Go another step: I'm grateful that I don't have amnesia, dementia, or even simpler neurological issues.  Take it a step further, and I need to acknowledge my gratitude that I can think at all. 

Again, like my last blog post, this isn't the rule to life.  No one is going to walk through life feeling entirely appreciative of every minute detail.  But at the same time, I think most readers will agree that we're not appreciative enough.  And that needs to change.  Before you chomp down into that next sandwich, consider how fortunate you are to (a) have delicious food available on demand and (b) have enough disposable income to purchase it without any thought. 

I'm curious if you guys feel you don't put enough thought into true gratitude.  I know that I didn't (and still don't).  I'm also curious if you think these are things we should be grateful for at all - perhaps you'd argue we have an expectation to our limbs, food, etc without any deeper thought.  If so, let me know.

Love,
Ezra

I haven't offered many insights into the type of studies I have at Yeshiva thus far in this blog.  It's a bit of an awkward topic - discuss ideas of God too deeply and most readers will be turned off, or offended, or disinterested, or the like.  Most readers are probably amenable to discussing spirituality or meditation, maybe even the "soul."  But frequently when I seek to engage friends in discussions of God and those ramifications, I'm told that things are too deep - that they'd rather not tackle those issues at the moment.

So fair enough.  But because what I do learn here in Jerusalem is so fantastic, I wanted to start passing along lessons in highly practical format (effectively - that can be learned without dealing with too much God stuff, and can significantly affect our lives).

Two easy thoughts, things that I'm looking to incorporate into my life:

1. "FML" & "I want to kill myself." - Let's not even consider the spiritual elements of speech.  Let's just address the practical aspects.  Saying "fuck my life" and similar phrases just doesn't strike me as benign light humor - in fact, I find it highly depressing that an entire web community has spawned at http://www.fmylife.com.  

The point is that such phrases effectively cheapen the importance of life itself.  I'm not saying that you're ruining your life by saying it - but you are desensitizing yourself to the true value of your life.  I know you don't mean it.  I know you don't actually want to kill yourself because you took a four outer.  But then why do you say it?  On an entirely practical level - even merely from a poker perspective - which quote is a healthier response to a bad beat: "fuck my life," or "meh, doesn't matter, I had great equity"

I don't think I'm expressing myself as well as I'd like to.  All I really care to convey is that what we say does affect us, even if we don't recognize it.  Speech is powerful.  Speech is, in fact, even physical (think sound waves).  When we speak, we are literally touching other people with our words.  That is fascinating, but also speaks to the power of speaking negatively.  Words don't come out of our mouths and forever disappear.  I maintain that they have some lasting effect on our psyche.  And I feel like repeated use of these phrases does damage our outlook and the way we internalize the value of our own lives. 

I'm not suggesting that you can't speak another negative word in your life.  I'm just encouraging you to think before you express a phrase which on a purely literal level means that you don't care about your life and/or that you'd rather be dead.  If you actually think about what you're saying, it's rather tragic.  I know you don't mean it.  But that's not the point.  The point is that repeated use of anything will become internalized - and I fear that many of our generation don't hold a high value to their physical lives (the only ones they'll ever get) because too many of us unknowingly cheapen these same lives through our habitual speech patterns.

2. "Wasting time" and "Killing time" - Judaism strongly disagrees with the concepts of "wasting time" and "killing time," again, for many reasons similar to those listed in point #1.  The idea here is to actually consider how little time we have on earth - how then could we ever justify "wasting" it?  Consider how precious your youth is.  Consider how quickly the last 5 or 10 years have gone.  I remember that going from age 11 to 14 felt like an eternity.  But 17 to 25 has felt like a split second.  And we're not eternal.  So why would you ever waste a single second?

So let's be straight - I'm not saying that you can't ever rest.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't play a video game or watch some TV here and there.  I'm not that out of touch with reality.  But I think I'm correct in assuming that most of us waste a heck of a lot of time: I know that I sure do.

I have probably spent a thousand hours of my life (if not more) browsing Two Plus Two forums.  Yes, I've derived some pleasure.  But if I'd spent those hours reading non-fiction books, or even "For Dummies" books, or hell, anything else that interests me - how much more knowledgeable would I be?  It's honestly staggering to consider.  If you actually sit down and consider what you could've accomplished with your wasted time, you should actually find it physically painful to handle.  I know that I do.  I'm 25 years old - and I could have far more to show for myself.

Again, this isn't an unequivocal rule.  If you work 14 hours a day, and need to come home and veg out, then by all means: do it.  But if you're like me, and you are willing to consider how much untapped potential you actually have, then I encourage you to try to determine where you're losing all that time.  I think all of us have untapped potential, and one of our primary purposes should (understandably) be to reach those levels.  And I maintain that step #1 is to see where we're "wasting time," and do our best to make sure that we never fall into a pattern of "killing time" again.


I hope these ideas have connected with some of you.  Let me know your thoughts, and if you can relate, I'll post more.

Ezra

Okay, so that title may seem weird, but here's the deal:

I turn 25 on October 17th (birthday wishes commence, hollaaaaa).  The thing is, there's a Jewish/Hebrew calendar which operates differently than Secular calendars.  The main difference is that it's lunar rather than solar and to make up for the difference, we add a 13th month like 30%~ of years.  But, the point is that by the Jewish calendar, I turned 25 on October 10th.

So....am I 24 or 25?  I don't really know.  The point is moot anyway in 12 hours, but for now, it's been kind of fun to think about.

Because of the time difference, I decided just to make it a "birthday week" here at the Yeshiva and have been trying to stay festive all week.  I bought a whole bunch of fine liquor for myself and everyone else at my Yeshiva and, also bought champagne both for my hebrew birthday and tonight for my American birthday.  

I just want to say that I had NO idea how expensive good liquor is overseas.  For a bottle of Cuervo 750ml, I paid ~$40.  For a liter of Smirnoff Black I paid $50.  Grey Goose, Patron, etc are all in the $100 range.  It just seems a bit absurd to pay those kind of prices.  Makes you appreciate the good ol' USA a whole bunch and also duty free.  I've never really bought anything from Duty Free before but you can bet I will next time I'm in airport, ha.  On the flip side, there are some fantastic Israeli wines and those are a lot cheaper than in the states.

Okay, so thanks to all for the charity suggestions and please keep them coming.  I told some friends about donorschoose.org and it's been a HUGE hit.  What a fantastic, fantastic website.  I wish I'd thought it up myself (sigh).

Okay be good y'all.  Chat more in a few days.

Ezra