CARDRUNNERS

“And, Ezra, where are you from?”

“I’ve been a bit nomadic lately.  So I don’t even know where to call home.”

I knew I should’ve just said New York.  New York.  Everyone’s from New York.  Nothing to see here.

“Sounds exciting…which places?”

“My parents are in Washington, DC.  I went to school in New York, and I’ve spent the last two years splitting my time between New York City, Chicago, and Las Vegas.”

They always hone in on Vegas.  Why do I even say it?  This guy has two dozen cousins in New York, a grandmother and an aunt  in Chicago, and has never gambled in his life.  But, invariably, I know what’s coming.

“Wowww, Las Vegas.  What’s in Las Vegas?  Business or pleasure?”

I really can’t deny it.  I now consider Las Vegas one of my homes.  Having spent each of the past three summers in Las Vegas, with an additional four or five trips to the city annually, I feel like a local.  I prefer many of the off-strip restaurants.  I prefer the smaller casinos intended for local residents instead of tourists.  I know the layout of the city – from Sahara to Desert Inn, to Maryland and Eastern…the airport intersects at Russell.

In my new life as a student at an ultra-orthodox Yeshiva in Jerusalem, I’ve largely managed to evade the personal questions about my life.  No one here knows about my poker prowess.  I’ve let on to a few people that I play poker, that I’ve worked in the gambling industry – but I just want to be a normal kid on a journey of self-awareness.  I don’t want to be defined as “that poker kid.”

Inevitably, someone will Google my name.  Someone will find this blog.  I’m not hiding anything.  Hell, I miss talking about poker every day.  But I’m also curious to see how I’m received as a normal boy, as Ezra.  How people engage with me, unaware that I’ve won and lost their annual salary many times over.

Today, I happened to be holding something that referenced an online poker room.  The student next to me asked if I played online poker.  “A little, why?”  Oh nothing much.  “My friend is really good – he made two thousand dollars online.”

I chuckled a little inside. 

Yet, despite my attempts to project a new person, I may be failing.  I am having trouble connecting to most of the students here.  And I wonder if it might be because no one actually knows who I am.  Poker has been such a major element of my life over the past four years that to suggest its involvement is merely “a little” is really doing a disservice to anyone trying to get to know the real me.

Perhaps the real me isn’t a “normal kid.”  Is it even possible to be normal?  Poker is so ingrained in my being that it affects the way I see the world.  It affects my perceptions of money, it affects the way I see people, friends, combatants, the future.  It affects the way I think.

I don’t really have a plan moving forward.  All I can admit is that I’m really proud of who I am.  I'm proud of how I think.  And how I see the world.  And hopefully the people around me, when given more intimate information, will respect me for it too.

Love,
Ezra Moses

I've often wondered about my parent's take on the whole poker lifestyle.  This weekend's New York Times Sunday Magazine offers some insight, in a piece written by Lucy Ferriss entitled "My Son's Gamble."

I think that Professor Ferriss' piece is one of the most heart wrenching stories ever written about poker, far more so than Martha Frankel's "Hats and Eyeglasses."  In this Sunday's piece, Ferriss admits to hacking into her son's virtual poker accounts, changing his passwords, and ultimately coming to terms with his vocational desires.

The article got me thinking deeply about my own parents' struggle with the world of online poker.  I detailed extensively in "How Poker Saved My Life" why I'm thankful for the journey that poker has afforded me.  But at the same time, my parents were rarely privvy to my emotional growth.  In their minds, my NYU education had yielded me a lifestyle of card playing.  And while they were impressed when my salary surpassed theirs, I have to imagine they continue to wonder what I'd be capable of if I focused my energies towards social entrepreneurship, charitable endeavors, or other social good.  I know that they've come to terms with my short term goals - but do they still worry about my long-term future?

And, even more so, what were those first two years like for them?  When I chose not to enter the work force after graduating college - choosing instead a lifestyle of professional poker.  They never doubted my ability to win.  But I wonder if they doubted my abilited to think properly.  How could a boy with so much potential for good dedicate his life to a game of cards?  Does one have an obligation to social good?  I have mixed feelings.  But, more specifically, do I have an obligation to social good?  Absolutely.  And, if I have one lasting regret, it's that my grandfather passed away in June of 2008, before I was able to fully showcase my full arsenal of talents.   

On the Two Plus Two forums, Professor Ferriss has received considerable criticism.  I'm sympathetic to both sides of the story.  While my parents never succumbed to an invasion of my privacy, I have to imagine they secretly wondered if I wasn't losing grip with my own sanity.  And while my parents treated my lifestyle choice with a great deal of respect, Ferriss was a single mother - watching her connection with her son slip away at a lightening pace.  Thinking back even to 2007, I can recall on several occasions my father coming downstairs at 6:30 AM only to meet me still grinding, ten hours later, after five figure losses.  What could have possibly been going through his head?  Was his son out of control?  I can only imagine how worried he must've been.  I don't blame Ms. Ferriss.  And I don't think any young adult can be fully cognizant of the struggle our parents go through when faced with the reality of poker. 

As we continue to grow up, mature and develop, I hope that we continue to be extraordinarily appreciative of those parents who've given us the space, independence, and freedom to venture out on our own journeys.  While I'm confident that in ten years, very few of our lives will continue to be consumed by the game of poker, I know that the experiences we've had in this world will stay with us forever.

Till next time,
Ezra Moses

I have never considered myself a professional poker player.  Even after college when my sole source of income for a year was poker, I always considered myself semi-professional.  Was I really good enough to consider myself a professional?  For the past two years, as I performed my duties for CardRunners, it was a non-issue: I was Director of Marketing.  But since May 1st, I've had no job - I'm not a student again until June 21st, and despite May being my worst poker month of 2009, I keep wondering what I am?  Is it possible that for 7 whole weeks, I played poker professionally?

I've been thinking about this because of how much fun I've been having out in Vegas.  I am loving the lifestyle, hanging out with my friends all day, going out at night, talking poker, thinking poker, etc.  There are so many aspects of the poker world that I find utterly repulsive (I think many of the younger players do) but this summer at the World Series of Poker is just so much fun.  Everyone seems happy, we're all bonding, and it just feels like one large warm community.  I wish I could describe it better - I know that many of my friends, including myself, were dreading coming out to Vegas again this summer, and we're all shocked at how much we're enjoying our time out here.  Learning to appreciate our lives, the impressiveness of what we're accomplishing out here, and the opportunities in front of us. 

In one sense, poker is this small little niche world, largely irrelevant to any other functions of the world.  Yet, at the same time, it is fascinating, intriguing, and unforgettable.  I've been talking to Taylor a lot lately about how we'll look back at this period of our lives when we're in our sixties.  I suspect we'll smile, and remember these times with a warm nostalgia.

So two more things of interest:

1. Right now I'm 35,000 feet above ground, typing from in-flight WiFi on a Virgin America flight from Las Vegas to NYC (I'm heading home for 3 days for some family issues).  I am shocked at how good the wireless is.  I played some poker and made $2,500 (thanks Virgin!) and the internet has only been disrupted once.  It's extremely impressive, and I've been able to e-mail, IM and more.

2. Last night Taylor and I made our first appearance on "Two Months, Two Million" the reality show that Whitelime, Krantz, Ansky, and Flawless are filming.  It was a small party at the Playboy Club at the Palms, and it was a pretty good time overall.  It was really interesting to watch them outline the story, talk with the producers, and see how everything came together.  Taylor and I made a pretty conscious decision not to drink too much so that we didn't end up doing something stupid on camera (yeah, we're lame like that...)  I did lose $100 to freakin Joe Tall betting on Whitelime's weight - I thought he'd been working out everyday and was putting on some muscle, but I over-estimated things :(

Anyways, here's a still of Emil (whitelime) in the pink shirt smiling for the cameras:



Till I land,
Ezra

The past few days of the trip have gone much better than the first week.  I got myself stuck about $15k in the first couple of days out here, but have turned it around pretty nicely and am now up for the trip!  yay :)

I think a large part of this has to do with finally being situated in the CardRunners house (pics to follow), surrounded by brilliant poker minds, and in a comfortable atmosphere.  Earlier in the trip, I'd been staying alone or crashing in people's spare beds at Bellagio, and I just don't think it was very good for my stability.  It left me feeling somewhat in limbo all of the time, and I don't think that helped my poker game.

Overall, I just wasn't making many hands, so I was getting way too aggressive in a lot of spots.  For example, if I raised 76 and flopped 753, I'd be playing for stacks against aggressive players.  This is a pretty tragic mistake against good players, but I think I was just a bit frusterated at never flopping anything decent, and was just going all-in anytime I picked up a decent piece.  Now that I'm starting to find my groove again, I'm playing much more confidently and smarter.  For example, against tricky, tough players, I'm doing things like checking back overpairs on flopped coordinated boards, for example: 78T, with a flush draw - to reduce variance and also make me more difficult to play against.  I always get creative when I'm playing well, but when I'm losing, I'm bet/shipping queens on that some board (which isn't horrible) but increases variance for sure, since you're rarely better than 50/50.

I played the $1k WSOP event on Monday, quickly ran up a big stack, and then ran into aces twice, and AK once to go out.  I would love to play more events, but couldn't this week, because I'm flying to NYC for the weekend for my grandmother's memorial service, so it wouldn't make sense to start an event that I couldn't finish :)

I've also been playing the $5/$10 live cash games at the Rio.  They are pretty good overall, but I think there's just so much more value to playing online.  Now that I'm on a bit of a heater, I might start playing the $10/$25 games and see how I fare.  My issue is that just can't imagine that I can make more than $250/hr in the live $5/$10 games.  It's probably closer to $125-150/hour.  Yes, there are some huge droolers playing live poker, but there are also generally 3-4 tough internet kids who typically steal a lot of pots - it's just tough because you need to play a lot looser in live games to get in as many pots with the poor players as possible.  But because the other tough players are doing the same, it makes it basically impossible to pick up these pots when you miss.  Meh. 

I decided that since the $1k event was just a total scene, I was going to add to the excitement by busting out some sunglasses.  I stole these glasses from Nutedawg on St Patricks Day - I bet he's been wondering where they went :)

I know that if I stay in this town long enough, I will inevitably go insane.  It's just the way Las Vegas is - it is a town meant for visiting, not for living.  A town meant for gambling and entertainment - but most certainly not for employment :)

And yet, there is always something so damn exhilarating about finally getting here.  It may sound silly, but I intentionally try to book night time flights to Vegas because I love that unique descent into flashing lights.  If you haven't experienced this ride, you must.  Las Vegas is in the middle of nowhere, truly.  You see nothing but pitch black darkness for a full sixty minutes before approaching Vegas.  And then all of a sudden, your plane banks to the left, and lights sprawling further than any eye can see emerge beneath you.  It's a city that shouldn't exist.  There are natural causes for why this town should have been populated, and yet it has.  There's just something special about Vegas.

More to the point, I know I love Vegas because I'm losing right now.  I am running awful, having horrible luck, losing gigantic pots as 95% favorites, and yet I'm happy.  I'm happy to be around my friends, getting caught up in the hoopla of the World Series of Poker.  After my third horrendous day of the trip, I walked back to my room, somewhat sulking and feeling a little sorry for myself.  And then I realized that I'm staying at the Encore, the nicest hotel in Vegas, and possibly a top 5 hotel in America.  My room is gorgeous - hell my hotel room is larger than my apartment in Chicago.  And I'm complaining?  What right do I have to feel sorry for myself when my days consist of playing a game that I love, living luxuriously, and staying young with my friends.  It's so silly to get caught up in losses or the craziness of it all.  In a world of tough times, I have to appreciate when things are truly good.

The first time I ever came out to Vegas, I had turned 21 just 3 weeks before.  I stayed at Treasure Island, and was in awe of the Wynn.  My parents took me see Avenue Q at the Wynn - I was intimidated by the hotel.  The nicest place in Vegas...gorgeous surroundings, perfectly polished floors...would I ever be able to stay there?  Would I ever be able to roam the halls with such successful people?  And now that I do, and now that the Wynn/Encore are just a routine, it's so easy to forget about earlier thoughts.  I believe that success is extraordinaly important for my life.  But I also believe that it can be extremely dangerous, when we lose sight of our definitions of success.

I don't know if my life is a success, just yet.  But I do know that it's genuinely amazing.

Love,
Ezra Moses

Okay, I admit it - my game is rusty.  I didn't play poker for about two weeks, because my attention was fixed elsewhere.  It's kind of startling to me how easily I'm able to forget about poker when there are opportunities or people that appeal to me far more than sitting behind a computer :)  On the surface, this shouldn't really be surprising.  But when I'm alone, I spend the bulk of my free moments playing or thinking about poker.  So the fact that I'm just as easily able to drop it, makes my wonder why I emphasize it so much during my free time.  I don't know the answer...it might simply the money, it might be desire to improve and get better.  And it might just be that poker is how I react to free time.  I know so many people that spend their free time lounging on the couch watching TV - I'd rather spend that same time earning money and challenging my mind.

So why do I say I'm rusty?  Well, after 2+ weeks off the game, I auto-dropped 10 buyins attempting to make a return.  It was actually kind of startling how poor I felt about my game.  Now admittedly, I ran pretty atrociously, but my reads were off and my timing was horrendous.  So last night, after Shabbat, I decided to get my head on straight, drop down in stakes and play until I'd found my groove again.  I promised myself nothing above $600 NL (and obv I was multi-tabling $5000NL a few hours later) but whatever.  As expected, I dropped about $4k playing 6 tables of $400 and $600NL which was annoying.  But I hunkered down, continued to grind, and clawed my way to back to the green. 

Around this time, I noticed that a huge fish from the mid-stakes games was clearly tilted and deciding to kamikazee his way to riches or bust at the $5000NL tables.  I'd told myself nothing above $600NL, but couldn't pass up open seats directly to his left, so I short-bought for $1,500 on the tables, and just tried to play super tight.  I got some cards, made a few thousand at the higher stakes tables, and continued to win in other games ultimately booking a ~$5k win.  It was really gratifying to pound through a few thousand hands and to feel like my game was starting to feel sharp again.  It's something that I haven't done in a long time, and I always enjoy a challenge like this.

To anyone who's not in the poker world, it might sound insane that after a mere two weeks, I'm talking about my game being rusty.  But that's just the way it is...the players online are so good and so tough these days, that if you're not playing every single day, you're at a disadvantage.  The games and reactionary tendencies of opponents are actually changing every week, if not every day.  It's kind of startling, but online poker is cutthroat.  That doesn't mean it's not beatable for someone looking to work hard - it most certainly is.  But with so many talented young people in the game, I don't think you can win in mid-stakes games without spending at least 5-10 hours/week thinking about, analyzing, and breaking down your hands.

So....on to my 2009 WSOP goals.  I will be out in Vegas for only about three weeks, and won't be able to play many events.  I figure I'll focus on the cash game action and try to make a run in some of the juicer 10/25 and 25/50 games.

Goals:

1. Don't go insane in Las Vegas like I have the past two years.

2. Successfully figure out how to wire money to the Bellagio.

3. Concentrate when playing WSOP events.  They may be all day patience festivals, and I need to work on staying calm.  I always try to play too many hands, and outplay people.  I never give anyone credit in WSOP tournaments.  This is why I always run up stacks at the beginning, only to incerinate them in epic fashion.  FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.  PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE.  Care about your money - these tournaments have huge payouts - often over $500k for first.  Why don't you care more?!

4. Win $50,000 in cash games - between online and live in the 3 weeks I'm out there.

5. Work on improving my live poker game - talking more at the tables, trying to manipulate opponents with my speech.

6. Have fun, make new friends, and uphold my dignity.  Las Vegas is a foolish place, and I'd like to think I can carve out my own niche of tranquility in an otherwise pulse throbbing city.

Anyone have any good suggestions for goals?

Holla,
Ezra Moses

PS - thanks for all the comments on last blog post.  Interesting that dividing by zero almost goes unnoticed.

Thoughts?  Source is the book Zero by Charles Seife

Let a and b both be equal to 1.  Since a and b are equal:
 

b² = ab

Because a equals itself:

a² = a²

Subtract equation 1 from equation 2:

a² - b² = a² - ab

Factor both sides of the equation:

(a + b)(a – b) = a(a – b)

Divide both sides of the equation by (a – b)

a + b = a

Subtract a from both sides and we get:

b = 0

But we set b to 1 at the beginning, so:

1 = 0

I basically took two weeks off poker to spend time with with my family for the Passover holiday and then with my girlfriend.  I guess it must've done some good to take a poker break, because I'm having one of my best weeks ever (it's actually only been 4 days) booking a little over $20k in wins.  I won a ton of coinflips, and was the beneficiary of getting some mediocre setup hands versus bad players (good players might've lose 25% of their stack - these bad players lost 100%).  Feels pretty good, especially because it was all at $5/$10.  So yay for poker.  Hopefully I won't lose it all :) 

So I had a reservation to Cancun on May 4th, but I've effectively cancelled it due to swine flu fears.  When I write "effectively," I mean that I've cancelled the hotel, but the airline refuses to take anyone's calls.  I wish I were joking, because it sounds absurd, right?  I understand that there's mass hysteria and they're likely understaffed, but it's not even like anyone can get into the holding system.  When you call the number, they just start giving you weirdo error messages.  The airline is AIR MEXICANA, and I would recommend against flying them in the future.  I'm sure they're all nice people, but they've been extraodinarily unhelpful via live chat and e-mail, and no one can get through on the phone to them.  I even talked to the Orbitz Vacation Reps last night, who was helpful but couldn't get through to Air Mexicana either.  I decided to take a flier, and ask if he'd actually gotten through to them at all that day.  There was this awkward pause after which he responded "actually sir, no one has been able to get through to them since we started our shift at 4pm."  The time I was talking to him? 12:30am - 8.5 hours.  How can I cancel my flight if I can't get through to them.  If I get charged the flight because the line is too busy, I will demand a charge back on my credit card.  No idea if that will actually work.  Any thoughts?  I know I'm being whiny, but it's the principle of the thing.

Anyways, I've decided to re-book and hang out in Myrtle Beach instead.  We'll be staying at the Anderson Ocean Club which is supposed to be one of the best resorts in the area.  I honestly have no idea if Myrtle Beach is fun for young people, but I guess we'll find out :) If you're a CardRunners member and want to hang out, just drop a comment and I'll try to get in touch with you via PM.  Also, if anyone's been to Myrtle and has some recommendations, that'd be hot.

Okay, that's all for now.  I'm gonna finish up my work at the office and then head home to finish packing up my apartment.  I will miss you Chicago :(

Ezra