CARDRUNNERS

Spring is upon us. Which means that I consumed my first jamba juice in like 2 months. it was straight illin -- if you see someone with the name "iheartjamba" playing on Full Tilt, youll know thats me. It so pretty outside which I love...god its beautiful. <3

I've been playing some poker lately and shippin it pretty hard. I just don't care that much unforutnately. I've been working on my HU PLO game by experimenting at 1/2plo, but I've been getting rocked there...prob down like 10 buyins. I do think I've run horrific, btu I still think I have a ton to learn. But I like the challenge...the 1/2 players are not that tough, I've just been beating myself I think.

Fwiw, I think the games are the best they've been since the UIGEA made it through Congress. I dunno what hapenned, but the fish seem to be reappearing.

The next few weeks are gonna be crazy busy. Next week Taylor (Green Plastic) will be sleeping over at me and Gaucho's apartment (aren't you all jealous??). Word on the street is that a bunch of us are gonna be filming some sort of music video...I'll let the rumors swirl, beotch. Unfortunately my time with Tay may be limited because I'll be spending most of my time working on my cousins wedding video. It's like three years overdue, and I'll admit I've never had so much trouble with anything in my life. There were 8 hours of footage and I've had every problem in the world -- from friends bailing on me midway through editing, tapes getting stuck inside the playback dock (had to get it specially removed, so that the footage on the tape wasn't affected), plus so much more. It's really a bad situation and I feel horrible, but it's been tough considering that I just don't have the capabilities to do it myself. I should have it done by next Saturday (I hope) so that I can give it to my family. My friend Andrew and I have been and will continue to put in an insane amount of hours to try and polish it and make it perfect.

The reason Saturday is impt is bc I'm going to Chicago for Passover with most of my family. After passover, I'll be spending 2 days chilling with Taylor at his condo before heading back to nyc. I hope he takes me to Bulls games and other Chicago awesomeness just like he did for Gaucho. Only seems fair

Much love yalls,
Ezra

I've shared in recent entries that I've been feeling agitated lately.  I've been battling a sense of life tilt.  Not anything major in the big scope of things, but a constant list of annoyances that are bugging me.  They cause me to be irritable and I've caught myself snapping at my wife a couple times and being short with my kids.  I've been resentful of certain responsibilities, judging them as unfair burdens.  I don't like not having the right answer and yet it being expected of me.

If I see progress in some areas, I can handle those that remain unresolved.  I just need to see some progress rather than the prevailing of helplessness and inertia.  I think the key to battling so called life tilt is being proactive in seeking progress.  Taking small steps to ease the frustrations helps immensely.  You can't fell the feeling in one fell swoop. 

Relating my discussion to poker, there are immediate parallels.  When feeling tilt, you start making poor decisions out of frustration.  You want to win back your 'unjust losses' in a hurry.  You call down lightly cause "he can't possibly have it again".  You make more aggressive moves and bluffs out of some artificial urgency.  You abandon the sane and patient approach that normally works for you.  You are feeling helpless and out of your comfort zone.

What options do you have?

1.  The most popular suggestion is to walk away, take a break, and stop playing.  This is the most proven choice as you can't do further harm if you aren't playing.  Once you have taken time away, you can calmly reflect on the reasons for the poor results.

2.  Another suggestion is to step down levels, thus making your potential poor decisions having less damage.  It also gives you a chance to gather yourself and possibly  regain some confidence.  I will often play a very short session  quitting soon after being up a little, just to book a win to reverse the recent feeling of losing.

3.  A third option relates to my personal feeling of life tilt I described.  Take proactive steps to battle the tilt.  Make a plan of action on how to make some progress.  At the poker table, that might be to stop defending loosely from the blinds, or tighten up.  Actively change how you are playing certain situations.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing but expecting different results.  Be an active agent for changing things up when you feel the tilt coming.  Don't expect it to happen all at once.  Once you see some progress, it will be reaffirming and give you some momentum for turning things around.  For me, I had two little improvements today on my laundry list of annoyances and the burden already seems lighter.  It gives me added strength to attack the remaining areas knowing that I have two less to worry about. 

This could be one of the funniest blog entries I think I've ever written just due to the circumstances and how it went down. After a hillarious night in the CR Chat room, Stinger asked me to play Yahoo Chess vs him to wind down the night. We both suck at it, so it's a very good match up. The match gathered about 10 railbirds from CR and they quickly learned how bad we were. It was a swingy match , but ultimately, Stinger put me on tilt and made me tilt of 3 pawns and a bishop (I had a stop loss of 2 pawns, but Stinger knows how to keep ya around).

Before I knew it, Stinger had 4 pawns , his bishop, and king left vs my lone king. He managed to have me trapped in the lower right side of the board and managed to turn some pawns into Queens. It became very clear he was going to win, and we were joking around about it in the chat. It seemed like 2-3 more moves and he'd have me trapped and win. Right after he moves, the instant tilter happens.... "STALEMATE". For those who don't know, Stalemate makes the game a draw because I have no moves without putting myself in checkmate. Since Stinger didn't put me in check mate and I forced myself into it, it's a stalemate.

Little did Stinger or Myself even know such a rule existed. We agreed we were both so unorthodox and bad that the match would come down to who was able to underthink their opponent. Seems like I was apparantly victorious in that! Anyways , the chess tilt that ensued from Stinger was priceless. I can only imagine how tilt he was since he thought he had it won. Here's the final board with some final Stinger tilt chat :

fbg1919 says to (07:53):
oh my goooooodddddd
fbg1919 says to (07:53):
yuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
TrevRob says (07:56):
pwnage vs stinger
Vintage00 says to (07:56):
i lol'ed hard
TrevRob says (07:56):
that was priceless
Stinger885 says to (07:56):
seriously why is that a stalemeate
Vintage00 says to (07:56):
i wrote it in there stinger
Stinger885 says to (07:56):
i didnt know that
TrevRob says (07:56):
lol
Stinger885 says to (07:56):
wtf
TrevRob says (07:56):
hahahaha
Stinger885 says to (07:56):
thats stupidest rule ever
TrevRob says (07:57):
i'm still LOLing HARD
Stinger885 says to (07:57): < ---------------- he clearly tilting and doesnt really want another 2 hr match at 3am.
i want a rematch
Vintage00 says to (07:57):
makes sense tho, he's not beat but he can't move
TrevRob says (07:57):
hahahahahahahaha
Stinger885 says to (07:57):
it shoudl be checkmate then
Stinger885 says to (07:57):
not a fuckign tie
Stinger885 says to (07:57):
thats bullshit
Vintage00 says to (07:57):
why? he's not even in check
fbg1919 says to (07:57):
igive up lol not paying attn at all
TrevRob says (07:57):
lol
Stinger885 says to (07:57):
he cant even win
fbg1919 says to (07:57):
lol
TrevRob says (07:57):
stinger is on chess tilt
Stinger885 says to (07:57):
cuz he cant move anywhere without being in check
Stinger885 says to (07:57):
so i have him surrounded
Vintage00 says to (07:58):
but he has to make a move before u can move again
MuPpEtMaN says to (07:58):
lol
Stinger885 says to (07:58):
such a stupid rule
Vintage00 says to (07:58):
if u moved ur queens outta his way
Stinger885 says to (07:58):
that game was not a tie
Vintage00 says to (07:58):
u woulda had it
fbg1919 says to (07:58):
inv again pls
Stinger885 says to (07:58):
well i ddint know there was such a stupid rule
TrevRob says (07:58):
I'm still LOLing
TrevRob says (07:58):
only b/c I didn't know it either
Stinger885 says to (07:58):
tahts like if in poker if ur allin and less than 10% to win u get mercy and its a tie <---- best line
TrevRob says (07:58):
he leveled himself
Stinger885 says to (07:58):
trev play again?
Stinger885 says to (07:59):
im on chess tilt
TrevRob says (07:59):
tomorrow?
TrevRob says (07:59):
tired right now
Stinger885 says to (07:59):
im tired too but im tilted
TrevRob says (07:59):
hahahaha
Vintage00 says to (07:59):
ill go in a sec sting
Vintage00 says to (07:59):
i wanna do one more after this b4 bed also
Stinger885 says to (07:59): < ----- holding tilt grudges
no i wanna beat trev
Vintage00 says to (07:59):    < -----  pretty funny line
pretend im trev
Stinger885 says to (07:59):
ull pry kill me
Vintage00 says to (07:59):
:)
Vintage00 says to (07:59):
na im a fish
Stinger885 says to (07:59):
u know the stupid rules and stuff < ----------- second best line
Vintage00 says to (07:59):
lol
TrevRob says (07:59):
hahahah
TrevRob says (07:59):
lol
Vintage00 says to (07:59):
i haven't played in like... 5+yr
*** (08:00):Welcome to CardRunners Chat , Dave8768 !
Stinger885 says to (08:00):
do we have to go to a diff room?
fbg1919 says to (08:00):
noo stinger
TrevRob says (08:00):
he can sit in my seat
fbg1919 says to (08:00):
:D
*** (08:00):Welcome to CardRunners Chat , luckhappens !
TrevRob says (08:00):
sting, tomorrow rematch ?
Stinger885 says to (08:00):
k
Dave8768 says to (08:00):
no class tomorrow stinger?
Stinger885 says to (08:00):
im not goin to my am classes

In conslusion, I have confirmed a few things :

1. Stinger plays solid.

2. Stinger has good game selection (he clearly won this in my book)

3. Plays flop terrible, but gets lucky on the turn.

4. Needs to work on Chess Tilt control if he wants to move up.

Tilt is a funny thing. It is our emotions getting the best and the worst of us. I used to and sometimes still do tilt very hard. Its just so natural when your down a couple of buy ins its like everything in the world just fades away and all you want to do is play more poker because you are so sure you are going to win it back. But that usually doesn't happen, what does happen is that every monkey on the tables callls your every raise and sucks out so bad. To the point that you either run out of money or you have caused some sort of destruction to the property around you or your computer screen. Luckily I haven't hurt my pc yet but glasses and random stuff has hit the wall lol.

Its been quite some time that I have managed to get some sort of hold over my tilt. I have done quite a few things to get over it that may be helpful to others.

1. Start by playing 60-90 minute sessions. Schedule some other activity between sessions. For me its simple as I have other business related stuff I can pull myself away. I am sure you can to, a hobby, chores, reading or watching CR video's can be helpful breaks.

2. I struggled just using breaks because being up or down directly affected how I was feeling. So I stopped looking at my cashier screen. This made all the difference. The most I knew was I must be down but it wasn't that bad. Or I was up and it was a great session even though you may have just been marginally ahead.

3. I made a tilt document lol. Everytime I made a stupid play, call or bet I immediately take the handhistory and put it into a word document along with it I just write some comments as to why I think I did the particular play. This has helped in reviews a lot and I can identify certain emotions which trigger tilt with the comments I add.

I have come a long way and still have quite a lot of work left but it is a start. I hope this helps anyone with the problem to get it under control.