CARDRUNNERS

things have been going awesome since i re-dedicated my mental approach to poker. i've been happier than i've been in a long time, i'm enjoying the game, i'm less stressed, and what do you know, i'm making money again.

i seriously think i have a multitabling addiction. every time i play more than six tables then my results dive. my ideal is 4, but i can play 6 effectively if i'm on my game. i really don't know how many times i have to learn this lesson, so hopefully it sticks this time. i always realize this, then go on a sick heater, i get better at poker, i then think that because i'm better i can play more tables, and then i go on long break even stretches. it's the same shit every time. i just can't mass multitable effectively. good for those of you that do, but it clearly just doesn't work for me.

playing fewer tables also allows me to keep my mindset where it needs to be, and that alone is absolutely huge for me. i have always sucked at managing my emotions at the tables and it has kept me at 100nl much longer than it should have. my sole focus going forward is to manage my mental approach to the game. if i can do that successfully, then i truly believe i'll be playing some 2/4 in six months or less.

i've also played some plo recently and have really enjoyed it.  i'm going to watch some stinger vids since he seems to be the resident expert because there are a lot of fundamentals i don't quite understand, but i think it's been stupid of me to only play one game and not really give other forms of poker a shot. as games get more difficult it's nice to broaden your skillset and be capable of sitting at some plo games if they are better than the nlh games you normally play. plo is fricking insane though with the swings and the ev. i got omaha added to my hem last night and in my first plo session i ran 5 buys above expectation. in my second session i was running over 6 buys below expectation before i won several big flips in a row in the last 10 minutes of my session.  i was down over 5 buys on my second session and actually finished up a tiny bit. the swings and the all in ev madness is really amazing. when you play tons of 60/40's luck will be a big factor in your short term results. i flopped the stone cold nut straight last night and was 50/50 when all money went in on flop vs monster wrap draw.  i was 42% on one hand where i flopped bottom set and nut flush draw.  it's just nuts.

speaking of which, how about that stinger?  guy just pulled another $1.5M or something off isildur.  congrats man.  must be nice.

one final thought is about hsp and durrrr.  he pulled off another amazing bluff vs. ivey and again showed how he is just a step above everyone else in poker.  if you haven't watched the hand you should, but basically durrrr pulled off a successful tripple barrel firing $260K on the river in a $370Kish pot with complete airball.  ivey actually considered calling with essentially ace high (he rivered a pair of sixes on a kq10x board so his pair was irrelevant).

it would have been soooooo cool if ivey would have made the call, but he folded, so durrrr is the best imo. ivey is awesome, but i haven't seen him pull off crazy bluffs like durrrr has in the live hands i've seen both of them play. it was actually a really cool hand because durrrr actually looked really nervous, and it was my impression that he was actually more nervous in this hand instead of the one previously with greenstein because he knew that ivey was capable of calling with ace high if he felt he was beat. it's just really fun to watch the guy play poker, no question.

took 7 full days completely off from poker and it feels amazing.  i don't think i have taken 7 straight days off from poker in almost 2 years.  i honest can't remember that far back.  that is NOT a good thing and I believe a huge contributor to my recent struggles. 

poker is great because you can do it on your own time, but it is also so easy to access that it's possible to go extended periods of time without an extended break.  i cannot even remember a single bad beat or cooler that i was totally upset about just a week or two ago.  i've had time to clear my mind and am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things, however, the most important concept i have taken away from this is that more is not always better.  i am done trying to get in x number of hands.  i'm done getting in x number of hours.  it just places undue pressure on me and i never play well when i feel like i HAVE to play.

I'm still going to try to follow a schedule, but i'm going to be a lot looser about following it and follow one basic rule:  play in the right mindset, or don't play at all....

i have realized how completely flawed my entire approach to poker has been, especially recently, and my mental approach to the game has been absolutely horrendous.  good news is that i realize that now, and i realize the importance of taking time off and coming back refreshed.

not sure how much i'll be playing going forward, but i will be taking more active measures to ensure i don't burn out again.

i'm glad i belong to this site though.  seems like people are always willing to do what they can to help and give advice.  its cool to have guys looking out for you who really understand what you're going through.  there is no way i can explain to my wife, friends, etc, how it feels to run very poorly or experience "the grind" unless you have done it.  i totally underestimated how stressful poker can be and the impact it can have on your entire life when things are not going well.

all i know is that everyone goes through it.  just reading some recent blogs by some really good players shows that poker can be brutal at times.

okay, so i pretty much had a mental breakdown yesterday.  let's face it, poker is tough.  it's not for everyone.  it's not easy to win.  it takes hard work and dedication.  i think i've gotten away from some of the things i know are important.  i also completely disregarded basic rules that are super easy to follow, like quitting when you are frustrated or emotionally compromised, and it cost me.  i've dropped 1500, or about 20 buys between 50nl and 100nl in the past few days, and it was totally avoidable.  no one to blame but myself.

i am certainly not immune to severe tilt no matter what succes i've had in the past, so its a good reminder to me how important the psychological aspect of the game is.  it's been a long and frustrating road for me recently, but i've made it far more difficult than it needed to be.

pretty humbling, but good to be put in your place every once in a while.

i have an awesome family and poker has given me so much, so i should be thankful more than anything.  i could not believe how much i actually cashed out last year.  much more than i thought.  i am very, very fortunate.

sorry for the blow up.  i am far from perfect and obviously have some issues i need to address in my mental approach to the game.  of course poker can be hard, but if it was easy then everyone would be a winner.  i'm tired of letting my emotions get the best of me at the tables.  i'm also tired of slumming around at lower stakes than i should be playing.  it's time to step things up and take poker more seriously.  it's not all about hands and hours.  i need to be focusing 100% on getting better and fixing leaks.  while i am definitely interested in the money and need the income, i know that the results will be there if all of my focus is on improving and making the best possible decision in every single hand.

had kind of annoying tilt session this weekend.  i decided i'd play a quick session to get unstuck at 50nl on the month since i didn't like seeing the red in my hem.  i then ended up being stuck about 5-6 buys like almost instantly.  then, i just got totally pissed, fired up 12 tables and planted my butt in my chair where I vowed to stay, no matter how long it took, to get unstuck.  several times i got within 50 bucks of being unstuck, but then i'd run kk into aa aipf for like 200bb and a suckout here and there and i'd be instantly stuck 3 buys again.  when i lost kk to aa for the second time aipf deep i just gave up.  all told i ended up losing 5 buys over 6k hands.  i was still pissed the next day, so i played another session even more determined to win it back.  lost another 5 buys over 3k hands.  played one final session at 50nl now just trying to save some pride and seriously figure out what i was doing wrong and was instantly stuck 3 buys. 

i cannot even describe how poorly i was running.  i know all fish say that, but seriously, i know the difference between running bad and bad play and i don't think i have ever run that poorly in all in ev and cooler situations in my entire life over such a small sample (10k hands).  it was absolutely amazing.  i finally was able to somehow salvage my last session where i was down 3 buys and finish up like 20 bucks and i felt like a victory dance.  so after all this i'm sitting here wondering what the hell just happened to me.  what the heck was i thinking?  why do i even care about results at 50nl when i have over 100 buys for 100nl?  i seriously don't know, but after this, my confidence was totally shot.  i'm sitting here thinking to myself how can i beat 100nl or even 200nl if i can't even beat 50nl?  what the heck is happening?

i played some 100nl anyway on AP and was instantly stuck 3 buys.  in one amazing 3 hand stretch vs one gigantic fish i lose aa v 88 aipf to double up his 20bb stack, then the next hand i get kk and make a large 3 bet vs his button open.  flop comes 1078 and he shoves.  i snap and he has 78 and i double him up again.  literally the next hand i 3bet him again with kk and he calls and flop comes a73.  we both check flop, turn is 4, i try to bet 1/2 pot and misclick and bet 1 buck and he calls.  river is 6 and i bet like 10 and he calls with j5. for runner runner straight.

i don't know what's been going on lately, but everything i have been doing has been going wrong.  when i flop huge villians have complete air.  when i have a big hand fish have a bigger hand.  i seriously think that the last 15 times i've 3bet kk an ace has flopped about 12 times.  whether it kills the action or hits some retard calling with a5, it has been beyond frustrating.  when i make a big bluff when villian's range is super wide, i get shipped on.  i'm not playing out of line either.  probably something like 21/17 over this stretch.

i'm so shell shocked that i can just feel the emotional flinch when i 3b kk pre, they 4 bet and i just know they either have aa or are going to suck out.  i know that's totally irrational, but hey, that's how things have been going for a long time now.  i won't lie, it's been really really difficult to deal with emotionally.  i went into a profanity laced tirade at one point when a huge fish flatted a 4b with jj and flopped a set vs my aces.  it's actually really funny how often villians flat 4 bets for 100bb honestly which i actually had happen about 50% of the time, and of the times they did i always flopped air with ak, and since i was oop and had no idea what their range was for doing this i would just check fold.  probably happened at least 4 times this weekend.

that doesn't even include the medium sized pots vs fish.  i feel like this is where i really struggled.  it seems like whatever i did vs their dumb plays

anyway, after all of this i am pretty confused about what i want to be doing in poker right now.  im seriously just considering playing strictly 1/2 unless games are really bad and then just play 100nl instead of messing around at 50nl, but since my confidence is so low i'm not sure that's the greatest idea, but i really have no interest in playing 50nl right now.  so i'm not really sure how i got myself into this mess, but here i am and i'm pretty confused.  i think it just helps me to vent and my blog is the only way to get all this crap off my chest.  honestly, not looking for solutions, just venting.  poker has just sucked for me for so long i'm really getting sick of it.  i have no doubt that a significant part of the problem is my own fault and do not believe it is all running bad, but it sure is annoying as hell to run ridiculously bad and then have all of your mistakes really cost you.

i've really been trying to maintain a positive attitude lately and not let things bother me, but that's just been impossible as of late.  i just get absolutely infuriated when bad regs make stupid plays and they work out, or huge fish run in god mode, and both have been happening a lot lately.

at this point i just don't care about any suckouts, coolers, run bad, whatever.  all i'm interested in is making money, and a lot of it.  i don't care what i do going forward, what game, what limit, whatever.  when you win, you are happy.  When you win, you feel good about playing poker.  when you win you consider yourself to be the best poker player ever.  there is no problem that winning cant fix.

i just want to make money.  i am going to try to practice some form of mental meditation or preparation before and during every session.  i'm going to snap quit if i lose a big cooler or suckout vs a huge fish and take a mandatory 30 minute break.  i'm going to try to come up with more things to address the psychological components of the game because my biggest problem is losing too much when i am losing and not enough when i am winning.  i've had this problem forever, and if i don't correct it i'll never be able to win at the higher limits.

i've concluded that i suck at poker.  i had a decent month last month, a bunch of that was playing 50nl.  i never thought i would actually struggle to beat 100nl.  the players seem so bad to me, but apparently i am no better.  my play recently has been sloppy because i have been playing frustrated.  it tilts the shit out of me when people play like retards and then it works out for them.  them i'm pissed at myself for making bad calls or spewing myself and it just snowballs.  just too many suckouts, coolers and just run bad in general.  i know running bad is beyond my control, but i'm pretty fed up after just being frustrated in general for like 4 out of the last 5 months.

i know this is just random thoughts spew and i don't really care.  it's just hard for me to care about poker when things have been so fricking annoying lately.  poker just isn't fun at all for me right now.  i don't have a lot of confidence, i get tired of the same old song and dance, and it's just more of a job than a game.

the run bad that i've been really upset with are situations like this.  i raise with 22 and flop is k72r.  whalefish donks, i make small raise and he calls.  turn is 7, he donks again, i raise, he calls, and i'm going to stack his obv king.  river is a 7.  bink!  he donks pot and i fold.  i don't think i have ever had a stretch where so much stuff just like this has happened.  you know, those spots where you say "fuck, that's the worst card in the deck" whether its because it kills the action when you have a monster, or it just crushes villians range and they play it aggressively with the obvious nuts, or just running into the absolute top of everyone's range no matter how wild and reckless they are playing.  i've started playing sloppy lately as a result and just need to take a break i guess.

i've just been so extremely frustrated for so long it's really wearing on me.  the most frustrating thing is that i've beat 100nl for 3ptbb over a very large sample and all of a sudden over the past several months i've pretty much broke even at that limit.  i don't know what my problem is basically.

 

i feel like i'm finally starting to realize how completely insignificant each individual session is, especially individual hands.  obviously learning from things that happen in hands and various sessions IS important, but getting upset about individual hands or sessions is silly and will only negatively impact your play.

i have noticed recently that i had no urge to check the cashier which is something new for me.  it just seemed pointless since all I'm really interested in anyway is how i'm doing over the month.  i've always known this to be true, but i feel like for whatever reason I just haven't been able to implement this in my game.  i feel like i'm finally getting there.  i think i realized this to be true when i recently had a couple of horrible sessions, then i would win it all back in 2 days, then another bad session, then won it back in one day.  then i realized that if i hadn't tilt spewed a buy in or two when things were going poorly then these may have even been winning days instead of break even.  point is to make the absolute best decision possible in every hand, irregardless of what happens on other tables in other hands.  i am working so hard on mastering this, and i have no doubt that as i continue to master this i will continue to win.

the only other major leak i have is paying people off too light which i am already doing a better job of.  good players can be bluffed, bad players can't.

anyway, after all these hands i am finally feeling like it's truly sinking in that i shouldn't concern myself with session results and beats are just rolling off my back.  i believe i will be 100% better going forward if i continue to work on these extremely important concepts.  time will tell.

had a good month, but felt it could have been a lot better.  i've been having some trouble adjusting to fish and have been calling too much in general.  i got pretty tilted earlier today as well when i ran amazingly bad and eventually just lost control.  it was crazy.  had s stretch of like 30 minutes where everyone ran in god mode vs me.  regrouped and pretty much won it all back, but could have been a winning day for sure.

i'm so mad because i barely missed ironman on ft this month.  i was getting to the last 20 minutes of the night and realized i wasn't going to make it, so i fired up 4 rush tables and 12 normal tables.  it was pretty funny.  despite all this it was too late and i finished 25 stupid points shy.  it just sucks to give away money when you're that close.  i've been ironman for 18 months now so i get more medals for being iron.  it's super easy to get now playing a bunch of tables lower or rush poker, so it's really inexcusable that i missed out.

had a great month though.  made some money, but more importantly, played 56k hands over 85 hours.  didn't quite reach my goal of 100 hours, but i think really getting into the grind and establishing a routine and schedule will really help.  it's a lot of work, but my long term goals are all that matter and i need to step up the effort.

hope to hit 100 hours next month for sure.  i think i can have an absolutely monster month if i just clean up a few things.  for whatever reason, i've been too splashy lately.  i think there is a tendency for this to happen when you play lots of hands in a month, but that's why it's even more important.  all those bad calls or bad plays where i just KNEW better, that really adds up over 56k hands.  i'm guessing in total my mistakes cost me at least 10 buy ins this month, but probably more.  that's just way too much money to be careless with.

anyway, hopefully the coming months will be much much bigger than this one was.  i'm pretty excited about my short term future in poker.  working on a bunch of different things to maximize my profits.  bankroll is a huge thing for me, and i'm finally getting to be in a pretty good spot in that regard.  if i'm smart, i prepare, and i spend a little more time studying my plan and watching some vids then i think i'll have some great results.